Saturday, February 19, 2005

brave front

all the best to felicia... awkward cake.. =/ actually cried when saw naomi ankita and ann crying.. nobody saw anyway.. head was low while cutting cake.. everyone signed the card except for chaitanya and minghui.. minghui is cuz everyone forgot to pass the card to her -_-.. chaitanya is becuz he dun wan to write.. according to jin ning.. anywayz.. all the best to felicia..

on the same day knew coach leaving.. not going to coach us anymore.. 28 feb last training wif us.. so sudden.. noe tht he's disappointed.. mei hua shuo.. cried again anywayz.. onli charmaine saw.. =S not quick enuff to san3 =_=

sigh.. dunno wad to say all of a sudden.. cant imagine wad training will be like without coach.. nth we could possibly do or say.. we were the ones to disappoint him in the first place... he had been saying he wan stop coaching anderson since a few years back.. but he's still here.. this time shld be real.. going.. going.. gone.

cant imagine wad it'll be like.. to never see felicia or coach again..

juz like.. one part of ur life will never be there again.. like.. broken pieces of mirror.. even u hav all the pieces.. u cant piece it back to becum one whole piece again.. tht kind of helplessness.. cant do anything to change it back.. cant do anything to go back in time.. to change sumthing dat has already happened..

sometimes i feel.. i shld juz die.. =S.. not depressed, not sad or wad lar.. juz tht got this feeling in me keep on telling me i shldnt carry on living =_=... like everytime i stand at the corridor of my hse, 9th floor, facing the wind.. very very strong wind.. i feel like jumping down and be one of the kites the ppl are flying downstairs.. -_-.. ok fine, i'm sadistic.. wadeva lar..

tht everytime i stand facing the wind.. wind in the face.. i feel like.. seeing.. blood.. -_- feel like clenching drink cans and hear the sound.. -_- feel like standing still and wait for some speeding car to come knock me down or wad.. -_- i tend to lift my head up and look at the sky whenever i feel strong wind.. i dunno why.. i realised it first during 2/6 camp last year.. and den i look for things in the sky.. then picture some aeroplane crashing down on me or wad.. -_-

fine, i'm sadistic =/

wind.. why suddenly remind me of chem.. =S juz to stress sumthing lar.. i feeling very normal now.. not depressed not stressed not anything.. =S so dun need worry.. i hav the feeling of jumping down from buildings very often.. but i never do it becuz i noe i will regret it halfway in the air.. -.- tht's why i always wanted to do bungee jump.. cuz i can jump from great heights but wun regret.. ok fine, i'm crapping again

today went to jiahao's hse do revision.. ok lar fine, i din revise anything at all.. cuz more than half the time i was playing wif his sis.. lolz.. his sister so cute lo.. hahaz.. woke up late.. 1210 den woke up.. =/ by the time reached his hse already 1445 le.. who ask me go live woodlands..

ok lar.. wadever.. -gone to bathe-