Thursday, March 31, 2005

hrm

feeling er.. weird.. came online wif some things to blog abt.. den read ann's blog.. so made mental note abt more things to blog abt.. den read meiching's blog.. den made further mental note cuz things were rushing through my mind as i read.. but i logged into lonehearter.. and i started off wif hi.. new paragraph.. and den i realised i dunno wad i wan to blog abt..

ok crap.. ermZ.. thing by thing.. -_-

went to school today.. had a hard time understanding the maths juz becuz i missed one lesson yesterday.. Zzz.. wad's more.. the maths teacher seated beside me no license one.. -_- teach halfway start screaming.. diaoZ..

anywayZ.. lessons were er.. boring.. especially physics.. Zzz.. the onli thing tht interests me during physics lessons is the clock.. cuz i realise i've been keeping track of the number of minutes i can stay awake in his lessons.. lolz.. diao

tml's talentime!! sheryl and jiahao jiayouZ!! ... jiahao made a bet wif me tht if he and sheryl could get into the top 3 he wud give me 5 lollipops.. for no reason.. he juz started a sms saying "if me and sheryl get into top 3 for talentime i give u 3 lollipops.."den i said "3 so little.." so he said "ok.. 5..." lolz.. good luck to angelyn, seowhui and jinning too =)

ermZ.. and.. tml's april fool.. haZ.. dunno why i mentioned it.. juz tot abt it.. cuz i bluffed nigel tht no periodic wud be provided for the chem test.. lolz.. and he believed.. -_-

arh yar.. juz eaten quite alot of food for supper.. so wun slp so early.. ya.. i've had supper.. one packet of carrot cake.. plus 1/5 of those popiah.. and a bowl of beancurd.. my brother bluffed me into eating the popiah.. he knew there were beansprouts in them and he knew i dun eat beansprouts.. and he purposely gave it to me.. Zzz.. i almost dropped the plate when i saw a beansprout on the plate and felt a Crunch! in my mouth.. Ahhhhhhh

i din flare up at my bro immediately.. i waited for him to go pour water.. and den i rushed to pour lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of chili inside the popiah.. heh heh.. he CANT take chili.. LALALALA

and like duh.. he was stupid enuff to not realise tht there was chili inside the popiah.. he took them by then fork, aaarrrmmm..

and there goes.. hahahahahahahahha

shant continue.. the later part is much grosser wif lots of spitting.. hahahahhahahha =PpPp

hrm

my eldest sis got a letter from MOE recruiting her to be a NIE trainee for secondary education.. eldest.. not the one who got 28 points for o'levels.. the one who was teaching at the daylight-robbery japanese tuition center.. teaching all those infants who onli noe how to cry how to develop their left and right brains.. like i said.. it was a boliao job anyway.. hahaz.. anywayZ.. she is going to be a NIE trainee in subjects english and english literature.. lolz.. wud pity any student under her.. she is... er.. fierce.. -_- and crappy.. -_-

uh huh.. wad else to blog abt..

arh.. mind has alot of things.. thinking and thinking non stop.. nvmZ..

today during lunch played the staring game wif meiching.. lolz.. i kept winning... until i told her the secret of winning the staring game.. tht is to keep on thinking in ur mind.. If i luff i like syn y***... and she tried it.. and she won me.. hahahahahaz... never try to play this game wif priscilla koh... you'll never never never win... cuz her face almost has the words.. DUN LUFF U LIKE SYN Y***.. hahahaZ... u get wad i mean.. lolz..

dunno wad to say.. deep inside sumthing telling me i need a rest.. back of mind says hav alot of things to do for the time being.. finish them den u can rest.. Zzz...

deeeeeep deeeeep inside has a feeling.. cant say it out.. to anybody... dunno.. seems like i might regret it someday if i'm to say it to someone.. Zzz.. seems like.. how shld i say.. dunno who to tok to anywayZ.. ok.. very complicated inside.. scared those kind of things like i tok to this person then tht person thinks i dun wish to tok to her -___-... seems like.. sheryl meiching and ann arent on very good terms...

even today.. at the lunch table.. where all three of them were seated.. wif me and priscilla.. something tells me i cannot stop luffing.. cuz then it'll be.... er.. leng chang.. -_-

seems like.. i shake my head more often nowadays... not those type where u respond to a question and u say no.. those type where i shake my head to mean i hav nth to say.. or i dun wan say anything.. Zzz...

abit lag lar.. term one has passed.. -_- ok.. term one dun sound long? ok look.. term one is 3 months.. 90 days.. 2160 hours... 129600 mins.. 7776000 secs... ha.. now look... since the start of the year.. since the day we dread going to school... since the day we went for the 3 days sec 3 camp.. it has been tht long.. wow...

and within these 7776000 secs.. so many things hav happened... we went for our sec three camp.. we got to know our sec 3 class... we started school.. got to see all the teachers.. we got our lockers.. did all our minor and major tests.. we passed our chinese new year.. did our first piece of sec 3 homework.. learnt abt physics/chemistry/biology for the first time in our life... did the first scary A maths homework... went through lessons after lessons.. worked through PE after PE.. carried on our lives like normal.. have our meals during recesses and after school.. flag raisings in the morning.. national anthem.. pledges.. school song after school song.. hair check after hair check... assignment after assignment.. we carried out the usual routine in each of our lives... no matter what.. time has to go on...

these 7776000 secs.. we watched our fren go.. we cried at the airport.. we hugged, we consoled.. we watched her leave the departure hall.. in these 7776000 secs.. we met up during every recess at the 2/6 recess table... we watched kakei bend his fork.. we watched nigel luff at everyone.. in all this time.. we seen through ppl quarrell.. we quarrelled wif ppl.. we watched ppl patch up.. we patched up ourselves.. we luffed.. we cried.. we said hi-s everyday... we said bye-s everyday... although when the time comes and we realli mean it.. everyone cries when we said the last bye...

in the 7776000 secs of the last term... we smiled, we luffed, we cried... there were times when we were realli sad and depressed.. there were times when we were realli happy and luffed... no one could be sad and depressed for long if there's always someone there to cheer him or her up.. mayb tht's wad i've been trying to do.. cuz i wud rather ppl luff.. den cry..

after all the cries in the departure hall on 2nd march... and den we left for home.. tht night many of us cried.. the next day and the next too.. but by 6th march.. no one forgets felicia.. no one forgets how sad we were... but we werent as sad as we were tht day... cuz we had each other... once in awhile.. when we suddenly think of her.. we saddens.. she wun be a fading memory... she'll always be a smiling one...

today i helped ann do her concluding paragraph for her chinese compo... lolz.. i wrote it from her point of view... tht part abt "hui dao jian dan shi jie li... zhao zi ji.."... wad she always say... tht she dun understand herself and she sees herself as someone very complicated now as compared to last time...

for me... somehow i feel simpler everytime i think..





"IF I'M NOT SIMPLER I LIKE SYN Y***"

nah... juz jk... hahahahahhaz.. to lighten the mood up.. hahahaz.. but it's not a bad idea oso lar hor.. hahahaZ...

haZ.. for me.. lolz... can onli say.. do what i feel like doing every single second, every single minute of my life... if i feel like breaking a bottle of ketchup to get ketchup.. i do... if i feel like tearing my A maths worksheet.. i do.. if i feel like sleeping in class.. i do.. if i feel like toking to someone.. i do.. if i feel like crying.. i cry... if i feel like luffing.. i luff... i dun regret anything i do becuz tht was wad i felt like doing... tht is me.. and tht is wad I did...

it's never too late to do anything u feel like doing... if u think it's too late and u dun wish to do it.. den dun do... if u think it's too late but u wish to do it.. do it.. at least u live to answer up to urself...

i'm not the girl wif the attitude tht does anything i wan... (quoted from ann when she wrote my autograph book last year...) i'm the girl who doesnt want to regret anything i do in my life... maybe tht's why i'm happy.. even if i'm not happy.. i wun regret being sad... becuz tht was wad i wanted.. i wanted to tong tong kuai kuai de ku yi chang.. so cry.. dun deprive of urself the chance to be urself.. u are u... so u are u...

ok.. i noe i'm lag again... hope everyone can have a new start in term two... may the remaining 2 months plus.. 79 days.. 1896 hours.. 113760 mins... 6825600 secs of the remaining term be fruitful.. be happy.. cuz i'm happy when u are... =)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

halo...

finally sick le.. no.. finally sick on a school day.. yay.. no school for me.. yayy... somemore on a wednesday where i missed so many lessons.. yayy..

woke up this morning at 5 plus.. measured temp.. thermometer shows 38.0 when i'm in a air con room at temperature 19 degrees.. -_- so decided dun go school and continued sleeping... woke up second time at 8 plus cuz mother woke me up to eat breakfast.. ate breakfast.. cant finish.. den went to see doc at vista point..

so damn ex.. $35.. normally cost $22-$25 one lo.. this time is cuz too many medicine.. so cost so ex -_- fever medicine + flu medicine + sore throat/cough syrup + sore throat/cough lozenges + anitbiotics..

uh huh.. came back home.. time was abt 9.15am.. ate medicine.. den went to slp.. woke up at 1.30pm cuz mother woke me up to eat lunch -_-.. she cooked porridge for me.. so eat.. cant finish oso.. den eat medicine.. den watched 5 mins of tv felt like sleeping.. cuz the medicine causes drowsiness.. so went to slp..

juz woke up at 4.15pm juz now.. uh huh.. den online.. cuz feeling better.. and not sleepy liao..

later 5pm eat dinner.. i'm supposed to be eating regularly.. doctor say i'll recover better if i take in more food at a more regular time.. arh yar..

tml chem test.. later tonite muz study.. Zzz...

nth else much to blog abt..

choZ

Monday, March 28, 2005

halo.. juz back from training.. abit tired... Zzz...

din noe i had such spastic and sadistic badminton juniors too.. hahaZ..

eg 1.. Fiona ---> use lots and lots of baygon to spray a pathetic and helpless lizard.. watch it slide down on the wall.. den go play computer games.. after tht come back see a black lizard.. all shrunk up.. wif its limbs left wif onli strands.. LOL.. (how cute.. =P)

eg 2.. Fiona ---> catching those type of big black ants.. filling up the sink wif water.. den watch the ant swim inside.. den take a pair of scissors, close the eyes.. and try to cut the ant.. after three cuts, if the ant is cut.. whEeee... YOU"VE DONE IT!! if it's still alive.. den well.. juz cut it lar -_- (muahahahahha)

eg 3.. Jeremy ---> catch an ant/mosquito.. put it into a water-filled sink... den place a piece of tissue paper over it.. den as the tissue paper soaks.. it will sink to the bottom of the sink.. sinking the ant/mosquito at the same time.. muahahahahhaha

eg 4.. Fiona ---> catching a beetle.. those wif the squishy head.. where when u squeeze it, the head will go in and pop out again.. ya.. den juz enjoy ur time squashing it and watching it rebounce again.. *laughs*

eg 5.. Jeremy ---> catching the same type of beetle mentioned above.. den start playing caram.. whEeeeee

lolz.. plz note.. all the above has been actually carried out by these spastic ppl.. lolz.. (one day i'm going to try it.. =PpPp)

today on the way to mrt, along the shelter.. i was screaming like some kuku cuz there were so many worm-like millipedes on the ground.. like wad the hell........ i wouldnt hav noticed if it wasnt for fiona or johnathan who pointed the first one out.. and den there are like SO MANY.. ahhhHhhhHHh... damn it jeremy scared me so many times.. and i stepped on one ahHHhHHHHHhhHHhhhH.. although it's not dead.. i feel like throwing away the pair of shoes.. bleah

tooted conversation in mrt...

Jeremy: Once my sister had a lizard landing on her arm.. den she was like frozen for a few seconds.. den when she finally realised there is a lizard on her hand, she fling her whole hand and the lizard hit the wall and went unconscious..

(mg expecting fiona to say poor sister...)

Fiona: wah... poor lizard...

-______-

spasticity continued.. -_-

Sunday, March 27, 2005

things i resoluted to do on friday over the three non-school days:
1. practise some A maths -_-.. tht's why brought A maths ten years series home
2. revise chem.. tht's why brought chem tb home..
3. research on some travelling things to write the functional writing for english.. nth to bring home.. haZ.. crap..

things done by sunday, last day of non-school days this week, at 7.30pm at night:
1. three quarters of chem chapter 5 revised..

yayy... a maths bring home for fun de.. -_- tml maths test i dun die i treat myself lollipop.. -_- haZ.. dun remember a thing abt logarithms.. except maybe the spelling.. hahahahahahha.. not funny.. surds..? sounds so familiar.. something edible?

rite.. i noe i'm dead.. dun hav to remind me.. -_-"

damn backbone aching like hell... lied down the whole afternoon.. better nowZ.. feels like.. er.. something like the upper spine and the lower spine fighting.. hahahahahhahahahaha.. ok crap.. hahaZ.. got this feeling ard the middle of the spine there.. cant walk standing straight.. hav to hunch.. better after a nap... mayb i'll be better tml..

dreamt of something drastic juz now.. was a sad and touchwood dream.. so i better not mention it -_-

can onli say it's bloody -_-

choZ

Saturday, March 26, 2005

condolences to layjia... stay strong arhZ...

dun feel like blogging anymore..

choZ

Friday, March 25, 2005

halo..

er.. happy good friday -_-

woke up today at er.. dunno wad time.. din slept much last nite anywayZ.. was online since 9 or 10 plus.. had breakfast at 11.. arh.. den had a short nap in the afternoon.. ard one hour.. den woke up and started revising chemistry =_= dun ask me why.. i started out onli changing the plastic cover cuz the current one for the chem tb is almost non-existant.. den started flipping flipping.. den saw pencil case.. so started writing notes.. =_=

er.. almost finished chapter 5.. the chapter on chemical bonding.. up to chapter 5.6 or 5.7.. stopped cuz feel like oning com.. -_- so on com.. den blog..

er.. curretly listening to songs.. mother and second elder sis at home.. brother went out to watch his fren cut hair -_- elder sis went out in the morning.. mother quarrelled wif second elder sis juz now cuz she dun allow her go out.. -_- cuz my father gave a rule tht she got 28 points for o'levels.. so she'll stay home to study 28 days every month.. and she had been going out for 2 consecutive days liao.. so hav to stay home to study.. wah.. so crap.. den if get 31 points.. means stay back at home 31 days every 30 days.. wad crap

sis hav been locking herself up in room, air con on, blasting avril lavinge songs.. i go in onli she take pillow throw on me.. explains why my afternoon nap onli lasted one hour.. =/

3 plus liddat.. i walked into the kitchen to drink water.. saw my mother standing by the sink.. plucking out some shells from some prawns.. din felt anything was amiss until i realise she was luffing to herself.. prawns in hands.. =_=" asked her wad she luffing at.. she said the prawns looked weird without shells.. -_____- shen mo lar.. shen jing bing.. -.-

jay is on the cover of the chinese lian he wan bao on wednesday... it said it was rumoured tht jay helped some underworld gangs earn money.. -_- tht's the heading.. din read the content cuz the words too small.. diao

i luv school... ha ha.. bluff u de..

diao

i'm sianed... either i go on blogging.. or i start playing solitaire.. or i leave the com on wif the songs playing while i do my revision.. ok fine.. i choose to go on blogging -_-

there was a pile of vcds/dvds on the table in the living room when i woke up this morning.. bro brought them home from dunno where.. looked through and realised they were all sick shows.. shows like.. the voodoo doll return of the bloodshed.. the sisters.. chunky.. these kind of things.. all those type of bloody bloody shows.. -_- wanted to watch at first den elder sis came in and said her colleague ask her watch kids central.. -_-

so i went to on com.. halfway through playing solitaire realised elder sis was watching powerpuff girls.. followed by a kiddy show on fairies blah blah... -_- wad's her problem...

den bro left home wif the vcds and dvds.. =( no more sick shows.. =/

bfkas gfkiau kgua jaiw wau saliuw dlkf wuia saliu safiu safh vsaiw saoiw kjvui wakuf sa vkuy auw vmhgsd neuyf loaiwa vys dmfyua fajyw mdyhg maeuwamiof kiuef kwu vkjvsio iu uiwa uyha mwa vidhgiu auyf kvuchs kw u iuawhfaw viduhvvk uayw vudhvm wayiuw dhgioo khdkk awuwyn kdshoa iuaegeahg ksubooonaouigl khdighbcnmbau aya ihauihuifn ifhannv ihefiuhas

sorry.. i was bored -_-

*waves..* dun ask me why i wave.. juz feel like waving.. *waves again* ok crap..

last nite read doreamon comic.. hahaz.. bro read too.. he read another book.. den we exchanged.. haZ.. so tooted..

i tink my com is laggin.. nvmZ.. maybe i'm the one lagging.. Zzz..

nth much to blog abt le larZ.. kkZ.. time to start playing solitaire -_-

choZ

Thursday, March 24, 2005

heyoZ...

one matter after anotherZ.. sigh

dunno wad to sayZ larZ... hope everything will be ok after some time.. =/

new layout upZ.. realised i'm used to making black/gray layouts.. weird..

yesterday.. nth much.. after school went to eat lunch wif sokmui meiching and ann.. den me and sokmui walked in the rain.. no.. played in the rain.. got ourselves really wet.. den walked to amk central becuz sokmui tot it was too early to go home.. arhZ..

den we walked to macDonalds to get two ice cream cones.. in the rain.. was realli very wet when reached.. got luffed at by 3/4 james wilson and yongyuan.. den saw michelle.. -_- so paiseh..

started sneezing when reached home.. father caught some virus from outside and keeps coughing.. den mother caught it too.. and since onli the three of us were at home.. naturally i caught it too.. den i got giddy and ran fever and fell asleep at 7.. woke up suddenly at 9 plus.. dunno why.. wanted to on the com but there was a blackout.. so juz went back to slp..

until this morning.. woke up at 6.35... tot it was 5.35.. slowly take my own sweet time den realised i was late at 6.45... parents hav left home.. too bad.. -_- suey-ed.. took a taxi but taxi driver forgot to turn in at the correct exit on the expressway... went one whole round.. den charge me $5 less...

reached class at 7.13am.. started memorising the chemical formulas for the acids and the charges and ions... memorised at the start of chem lesson.. test shld be easy.. is i stupid.. dunno how to do the last one and dunno whether the rest correct or not..

maths test next monday..

recess time meiching came into class and sat beside me.. felt sumthing was wrong but she din say anything when i asked her.. got to know abt it later.. uh huh.. den had english.. played bingo wif sheryl..

dismissed.. had to stay back in class for inspection of classrooms.. released at 2++.. felt giddy and slept standing by the corridor.. -_- was awoken by a teacher walking past and asked me if i was alright.. din go training.. waited for ann to finish her classroom inspection.. went eat lunch..

came back skoo after lunch.. went 3/3 play chess wif priscilla.. vanessa watched us play.. =_= went home at 5.30..

end of day

tml no school.. saturday no school.. sunday no school.. yay

april fool coming soon.. one year ago weeyang bluffed us tournament time was changed to in the morning.. lolz.. how cum i still remember.. talentime coming soon.. good luck to sheryl and jiahao..

-lipton tea plus lemon juice tastes nice-

why blogger cant show chinese one arhZ.. Zzz... nvmZ...

ann's bday coming soon.. happy birthday in advance.. =_= dunno wad else to blog abt so juz typing out anything tht comes to my mind.. diao..

there was this little girl in the mrt juz now.. she had her hair tied in two ponytails.. she kept smiling at me... den she waved at me... so i waved back.. den suddenly she gave me the fierce look and bared her teeth out at me like a dracula.. =_= spastic.. den i smiled back at her.. den she changed her expression and started smiling back again.. den i was like.. er.. hahaha... den she started wailing.. -.-" tok abt mood swings.. women.. the men dun get it -.-"

ok fine.. i'm not men -.-"

arhZ... i'm not supposed to take sides.. hav to be happy if i wan others to be happy.. kkZ... i noe...

tink i'm destroying my own health bit by bit.. -.- nvmZ..

jay looks shuai here <-----.. got tht diaoZ look.. and can see the dimple.. -.- actually he's shuai-er when he smiles.. i tink.. eh no.. he's shuai-er when he's got the sad look.. k fine.. i crapping again..

sumthing tells me tht if suddenly blackout now.. i will blackout together wif the electricity cuz this entry will be lost.. arh crap..

currently feeling.. er.. one word to describe arhZ... beaten.. -_- nvmZ...

more like tired larZ.. ok lar.. not tired.. =/ er.. still got energy to cheer ppl upZ.. =)

feel like.. going for 2/6'04 camp.. like the first one we had last year.. Zzz..

was watching the 2/6 video on tuesday nite.. watched thrice.. two songs were nice.. =) kind of miss 2/6 larZ.. nigel look kiddy in the video.. lolz..

byeZ

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

spent the last half hour doing a layout while listening to jolin singing dao dai over and over and over again

juz read ann's blog.. did the test..


You're the color blue. You have the three c's in
life--you're cool, caring and confident.
Trustworthy and honest, people are naturally
attracted to you. You're unusually optimistic,
but that makes life all the better. You're an
imaginative person who loves sleeping and
dreaming. Hard-working and determined, you
excell in school. You're everybody's favorite,
and this is because you have this undefined
richness in your personality and attitude.
Mild-tempered and stable. Not to mention very
intelligent. Along with the fact that you're
conservative, you're worried about the
environment. So basically, you're a generous,
dependable and devoted--just the kind of person
everybody needs. Wouldn't it be great if
everybody in the world were like you?

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

accurate? dunno.. read through.. nth much registered inside brain..

i am blue...

wait no

i am meigui...

k crap..

first thing done when i reached home was to on the com and type this entry.. anger built up in me.. until gastric oso act up.. cant stop tinking abt it.. ren3 le yi4 tian1 le.. really is ren3 bu xia qu le...

seriously...

i short hair.. is my problem.. loose belt.. is my problem.. i like to do geo in maths lessons.. i shuang do geo in maths lessons.. is my problem.. i feel like eating in both recess and lunchtime.. is my problem..

u can comment all u wan.. but i dun need to care.. but it realli is irritating and i cant stand it.. right from the start of the day i juz kept on tolerating.. and tolerating.. one whole day down.. i cant take it anymore.. and i juz hav to let out all the anger..

stop trying to show tht u hav the right to giv a damn abt all these things..

i'm sorry i ever drank your water.. from tml onwards i will never touch ur water again.. so tht u wun say tht i gan4 diao4 your water.. i'm so sorry..

i'm sorry i ever copied ur chem workbook... i promise not to touch any of ur things ever again

wan luff at my short hair.. fine.. everyone is luffing.. i cant stop u from luffing if u wan to.. i dun mind u luffing or wad.. but plz stop making it seem like it's the worse offence on earth to cut my hair short.. i realli felt like screaming rite into ur ear tht IT'S NONE OF UR BUSINESS WAD I WAN TO DO TO MY HAIR

rite.. at least tht is not so bad.. although i seem to be reminded of it and having to tell myself not to care abt it every other hour.. wadever

loose belt.. who do u think you are? mr ang? mdm hee? or wad.. and wadever gave u the idea my belt is loose.. juz becuz it's not two fingers tight.. i dun wan suffocate myself and i'm very comfortable wif how i am now ok?

i shuang do geo in maths lessons is my problem.. if i ever get caught it's also not ur problem.. stop saying i'm "bad" or WADEVER CRAP..

at least all these i could still tolerate

wad realli pissed me off was tht even HAVING LUNCH could attract ur utmost attention... the school rules din state tht if u ate during recess u cant eat after school.. neither did the law.. so i dun see wad's wrong wif eating in both during recess and after school.. whether i'm hungry or not is none of ur business.. i dun hav to report to u everything i do from whether i ate my breakfast to whether i wan to eat after school.. to say seriously.. i wasnt even hungry after school.. i ate becuz i wanted to hav my regular meals.. recess was my breakfast.. and tht was my lunch.. i believe we did learn in kindegarten tht we take three meals a day dun we?

stop giving all ur comments on every single thing i say.. stop giving all ur comments on every single action i take.. becuz i hate it and i've had enuff of tolerating..

i've had enuff of turning my head over to another direction and rolling my eyes.. and den turning back again and pretended as if i havent heard wad u said or wad u said didnt bother me..

it took me so long to finally realise.. if i stop giving a damn abt u.. u wud stop giving a damn abt me.. and so tht's wad i'm planning to do.. if tht's wad u wanted.. fine.. u got it.. juz wtf leave me alone

Monday, March 21, 2005

arh boo.. =_=

nth on my mind.. except the damn tooted thing tht happen during training.. lolz... -.-

time was 5++... training nearing the end.. btw.. today onli 4 pathetic ppl turned up for training.. lolz.. book 2 courts 4 ppl come for training.. lolZzzz... erm so yar.. 5++ liddat training going to end le.. 4 of us were sitting ard the bench there.. coach was oso sitting there.. den i was checking my phone.. and saw 2 missed calls... from a number 96******.. blah blah..

den i called back the person who called me.. since it's miss called two times... cant be call wrong number.. er so.. i called.. then the conversation went like this... in chinese...

Me: er hello?
Male: ha-lo?
Me: er.. who called this number?
Male: er?
Me: 9061****.. this number..
Male: 9061..?? ****?
Me: arh yar...
Male: are you from anderson sec...

-conversation cut by joan.. who was sitting in between me and coach..-

er... both of us were holding our phones.. and voila! we were toking to each other..

diao diao diao diao diao

wad happened was... joan the damn tooted person.. took my phone.. and called coach abt some stuff... den coach wanted to call back to joan... so he called back.. to my number.. lolz.. but i din noe his number mahZ.. diao diao diaoZ...

we were like.. er? lolz.. and i din recognize his voice from the phone.. neither did he.. LOLZ...

hahaZ.. i muz hav turned stupid.. =_=

today's training arh.. er.. ok lar.. not tiring.. but i juz kept on sweating and sweating and sweating.. non-stop... 4 ppl 2 courts.. wad u expect.. we had all the time to ourselves in the courts lo...

Zzz...

first day of school... arh.. so boring.. boring.. boring.. i wan holidays larrrr.. =/ first day of school and i want holidays.. si ding le...

-mei hua shuo le-

choZ

Sunday, March 20, 2005

chiong.. choing.. choing.. choinging.. chiong-ed

yay.. i've finally finished all my homework.. *beams* hooray... physics online.. e maths.. a maths.. chinese papers.. freaking geo article..

sounds little? actually alot lo.. especially for someone who has slacked 6 out of 7 days of the holidays.. lolz.. started touching my pen and things since sat.. lolz.. doing maths while watching meiching eat chicken rice.. -_-

ok now.. i'm declared as free.. yayy... so i can blog.. yayyyyy...

tok abt sat..? ok.. anything.. =_=

eh... met at orchard mrt.. ppl are coming up to us saying.. "hi.. dun worry.. i'm not doing any sales.." and den we are suppoesed to donate something so tht he or she will be happy enuff to walk away.. diao-ed... er.. we stood there waiting for mc.. cuz we were early.. and she was 2 mins late.. -_- and me and sheryl had to buy a freaking pen for $5.. cuz could not stand it anymore.. one of them actually came up to us a second time.. and she was like.. eh? i toked to u all b4 le.. diaoZ....

mc finally came.. and den we went to buy movie tickets... robots.. den had lunch.. kfc.. uh huh.. eh.. den we saw layjia.. wif her frens.. and den we went to watch the movie.. quite funny lar.. but veh short.. uh huh.. den we had too much time left.. we went to far east take neoprints... den still too much time left.. so we went to heeren.. jiahao bought the jay concert dvd.. wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... shuai dai le larrr..

den we took neoprints at heeren.. ya.. den we met layjia again.. uh huh...

er... den meiching went to eat chicken rice cuz she was hungry cuz she din eat juz now.. and den we waited for her to eat.. while anson bought ice kachang and i started doing maths.. diaoZ... den mc had to go for piano so she left.. and den we stayed awhile more cuz anson still eating ice kachang and i still doing maths..

after tht.. we went er.. kinokuniya.. for fun.. went to see dinosaurs.. lolz.. den we lost jiahao and found jiahao.. hahaz.. den went to this toy shop and we tried opening a box.. hahaz.. den sheryl had to go.. so we walked her to wisma atria macdonalds... den anson went toilet.. (i tinking why i remember everything so clearly..) and den he came out and the three of us dunno where to go.. in the end decided to go eat dinner...

so took mrt to dhoby ghaut.. went to the food court in plaza sing to eat.. i ate chicken rice while anson ate fish and chips.. jiahao ate air.. while looking at drum sets and guitars and grand piano.. hahaz.. den we finished and we didnt noe where to go.. i wanted to do maths.. so we tossed a coin.. flower we go amk library do maths.. no flower go hougang do maths... coin showed no flower.. so we went hougang...

den walked to a void deck.. sat there and did maths... two of them crapped.. they were bored.. cuz they nth to do.. anson wanted to go up and bring his hw down so tht he could do.. but he scared he go up his mother will call him to call his frens up.. so he didnt.. -_- and den we do and do and do until 9pm jiahao had to go home.. so we left..

jiahao took mrt home while i took 161 home.. anson took 161 for 2 stops and alighted at his house.. diao.. -_-

reached home at 10++ bathed.. online.. slept..

end of saturday

-yawns-

wonder why i'm still not asleep yet? lolz.. suan le lar.. already not enuff slp liao.. slp late and slp later oso no diff.. tml sure yawn in class... heck..

mc said no one blogged abt saturday... her blog dun hav any blog to refer to.. -_- so i blogged.. hahaz.. diao..

uh oh.. i start to dun like this layout liao.. =_= no time change.. =/

i hate tsunami.. hate earthquake and volcanoes.. basically hate anything to do wif stupid plates moving ard a tooted round ball called the earth.. caused us so much trouble.. had to study damn tooted subject named geo.. had to do tooted newspaper article.. bleah

becuz of it i lost my urge to slp.. -_-

k lar.. wadever... choZ

Friday, March 18, 2005

feeling sickZ.. from inside out.. mayb cuz of something i ate.. or mayb cuz i'm juz sick.. came back home juz now.. mother saw me.. said: "Ni de lian se hen nan kan..." meaning i dun look well.. as soon as she finished tht.. i vommitted.. whEeeee.. how fun.. -_- headache.. ahhh.. dun sick now.. sick on sunday... den monday no need go school =_=

went school today watch talentime rehearsal.. arh.. juz wasting time onli..

ok wait.. why is my sis watching tamil shows again... (never ask me watch oso.. =P)

brb.. i tink i better take my temperature.. why are there so many thermometers =_=

37.7.. fever? arh yar.. fever.. =_=

ok... better bathe and slp... choZ...

Thursday, March 17, 2005

haircut!! no more rubber bands!! whEeeee...

ok lar.. i look.. different.. -_- tht's all i can say.. realli dunno how to describe.. very different.. uh huh.. short.. ar.. long fringe very uncomfortable.. kept blowing hair.. -_- crap -_-

arh... nth much to blog abt.. was out whole day.. being luffed at for hair by some ppl.. even junior walk past me oso luff.. =S uh huh... hw... not doing.. dun intend to do.. until mayb sat or sun.. depends... see weather.. hahahaahha not funny -_-

no photos or wad to show u how i look currently.. scare u ppl on sat/mon bahZ.. lolz.. boo

Zzz.. sleepy...

feel like playing badminton =_= diaoZ.. wed din play enuff.. diaoZ.. wed training was SO FUN LOR!! AS FUN AS COUNTING HOW MANY HEADS I HAV LOR!! god.. can u imagine.. i've never had such a fun training before!! it's so funnn i wish i never hav to go through it again!! if onli all the other trainings are like this... den everyone will start using the racket and hit nth in the courts.. legs stucked in a position... gosh.. juz imagine.. isnt tht juz MAGNIFICENT?!?!

ok.. better stop being sacarstic.. =PpPpP

some badminton ancestors muz hav done something seriously wrong and sinful.. bringing upon us such a wonderful badminton teacher in charge.. he's wonderful.. realli.. *truthful look* i think we shld all nominate him for the best teacher in the universe.. yea.. MISS tan sure deserves it man.. we all luv HER dun we... *truthful look again* alright fine.. i'm not in drama..

choZ

Monday, March 14, 2005

lotZ of starZ toniteZ...

halo... juz reached home.. went siao and went pasir ris watch stars after training.. met up wif bro after tht and went bukit timah eat carrot cake.. =_= alot stars.. moon so nice.. tht standard shape of moon.. lolz...

sumhow.. tht mere 45 mins under the night sky.. made me tink of.. many.. many.. things..

song of Xing Qing came up to me.. felt like singing.. but din wan to disturb the night peace..

shou qian shou yi bu liang bu san bu si bu wang zhe tian..
kan xing xing yi ke liang san ke si ke lian chen xian
bei dui bei mo mo xu xia xing yuan
kan yuan fang de xin shi fo ting de jian
ta yi ding shi xian...

diaoZ... nvmZ..

harh.. today very normal day... training in school.. four of us were playing bridge in front of the door and coach came in.. while i was putting down a card.. diaoZ..? if it had been leonard.. see how we die of pushups.. lolz.. new coach din even say much.. toked to us like we are.. kindergarten children... "come early, have time den do some stroking arh... dun waste ur time playing cards arh... we dun hav much time to waste le arh..."

=_= strict abit more cannot arh.. =_=

suayed.. kept hitting myself wif my racket while doing dropshots wif fiona.. hand, head, legs.. =/ fiona got smashed by jaslyn? lolz.. surprised her eye din drop out.. poor thing.. coach serve oso hit fiona.. -shakes head- poor thing.. i'm so sympathetic.. ha ha

saturday going out watch movies.. after tht mayb go pasir ris for badminton farewell for the sec 4s bah.. see first.. mayb stay out late den muz well stay over in the park.. sleep one nite on bench wun die.. see first bah..

feel like flying kite.. =_=

*yawn*... feel like sleeping.. juz realised havent touch hw yet.. dun look like i'll be doing until the time's realli up.. lolz.. wan slack one week larZ.. one week.. not enuff for me.. tsk..

hands hav red scars.. from dear racket.. lolz.. 3 on right hand 3 on left hand.. dun ask me why are there 3 on right hand when i'm holding the racket wif the right hand... it juz hit.. somehow.. i dunno how.. not hurting.. but looks very blah -_-

`maybe it's time.. time to let go.. or time to chase it back.. either way.. maybe it's time.. to do something... how wud i noe... wad something means..

waliewZ.. let nature take its course bah.. feeling too slacked to care abt anything... suibian lar..

=/ somehow.. heart hurts.. nvmZ... =_=

how to describe current mood.. arh... not very happy.. but can still joke ard.. sumthing liddat... daioZ...

actually flared up at jiahao in the hall today for leaving the side door open.. after i juz went there to close it.. =_= dun tink he even realise.. diaoZ.. juz shouted at him ask him close door den turned and vent anger by hitting shuttle.. diaoZ..

..

tinking abt hair againZ.. going to cut soon.. mc.. dun blame me if it will in any way look like urs.. -_- diaoZ.. i not trying to copy urs arhZ... dun even noe wad i wan it to look like.. juz wan long fringe like jay's.. den can luff at jiahao.. mua ha ha ha ha ha -_- diao

dun tink will hav a good nite sleep tonite.. too many stars to keep me awake.. -_- stupid brain.. why wun it juz STOP tinking.. abt.. everything.. from length of fingernails to wad i ate today to bus plate numbers to size of flowers to speed of moving clouds to number of stars to why i tinking abt all these to why i typing all these in the first place...

diao =S

nvmZ... byeZ...

Sunday, March 13, 2005

sometimes feel tht i shld juz appear offline whenever i'm wif the com and tht's it.. i realli shouldnt be toking to anyone wif a mind like this.. -_-

ya.. blogging againZ... when i've juz published a post less than 5 mins ago.. diao..

in case u din noe.. i had appeared offline everytime i signed in msn messenger... for wad.. cuz dun wan tok.. den why sign in in the first place.. cuz xi2 guan4 liao... diao.. some of the times online cuz liqian wans me send her jay's songs... =/

blahZ... urge to watch Qin Shen Shen Yu Meng Meng again.. -_- told u i hooked..

hav been toking to myself online.. -_- and hallucinating keyboard keys swimming while i typing and watching the screen.. like.. looking at the screen.. den part of ur vision sees ur hands moving ard the keyboard... but i dun.. i see the keys swimming instead of hands moving..

god.. WAD IS WRONG WIF ME..

wahhhhh...

http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/teppanyaki/

thanZ to sheryl for showing me the fanfic.. wahhhhhhhZ.. kept me reading.. and reading.. and reading.. and reading.. and finished -_-

haiZ

suddenly feel like closing this blog.. =/ for some time..? or maybe forever.. shall see...

decided on cutting my hair short.. some time next week.. either on thursday or on friday.. short.. as in.. literally.. short.. ya.. =S the laz time i did tht.. was in like.. P6..? dunno how i'll turn out to look like.. juz feels tht.. i look too weak wif long hair.. tht stupid fragile look..

i wan be a boy =/

gosh... i tink the chair juz crushed a beetle.. brb...

ok fine.. it wasnt a beetle.. it flew away when i touched it.. scared me..

not touched any homework yet... two days at home was slacked.. feel like tearing the maths paper.. cuz damn maths make me think of stupid things.. bleah.. bro took my pencil case and put them on top of the shelf.. to tease tht i am short..

sometimes i realli wonder.. is he stupid retard simple-minded or wad... hasnt he heard of something known as.. CLIMBING THE CHAIR TO GET THE THING -_-

damn beetle-look-alike.. leave me alone.. argh.. STOP FLYING U TOOT-FACE

nvm.. =/

currently on er.. 16th or 17th disc of Qin Shen Shen Yu Meng Meng.. sat in front of the tv.. and juz watched.. and watched.. and watched.. weird.. the scenes where my sis and mother were tearing.. i felt nth... -_- not even the slightest tinge of sadness..

stupid headache wun stop... panadol extra extra wun help.. panadol extra extra as in extra dose of panadol extra.. so it's called panadol extra extra.. ok crap.. tht headache during last year's june chalet back again.. scenes keep coming on and off in mind.. some happened before.. some dreamt before.. some watched on tv before.. some imagined before.. some juz thought it up.. i seriously tink i'm going crazy...

i'm having enuff sleep.. ok.. more than enuff sleep.. it's juz tht.. the sleeping time is not rite -_- been out last two nights.. sleeping during the morning.. watching vcds during the afternoon.. sleeping in the evening.. and so on.. juz not.. regular.. -_- er

and i keep getting the feeling i'm going to fall each time i walk -_- like walking on the road.. den suddenly feel as if one leg is longer than the other.. and den juz trip over air.. -_- ok crap..

was at tanjong pagar there juz now when priscilla suddenly sms me wif a "!?&*$%@_# this is zimbae... he says he is bored n forced me 2 msg u... bad zimbae.. -.-" anyway, he wans me 2 tell u 2 stay happy and smile... =)" almost bashed the phone.. lolz.. joking.. thanZ.. zimbae -_-

sumthing damn wrong wif me.. sumthing keeps telling me.. i'm too weak.. explains why i want to cut away the long hair... cuz it makes me look fragile and break-able -_- and.. k fine.. i dunno wad i toking againZ... juz got the feeling.. like.. nvmZ... watch Qin Shen Shen Yu Meng Meng.. den try to picture how the Yi Ping iz feeling -_- ya.. tht Bai Mei Gui.. -_- fine i noe it's diao... dun hav the vcd nvm.. heard from bro tht it's replaying everyday at 4am on channel 8... k diao.. who wud wan to watch replays of a stupid show at 4am in the morning everyday.. =/

makes me sick of arguing wif ppl.. cuz sumtimes i realli dunno wad i'm saying.. like i've full control of wad i was arguing abt one second.. and den the next i completely lost my point.. gets frustrated when the point i'm trying to drive across is not well understood.. i feel.. er.. er.. angry -_-

ya.. angry.. er.. like.. er.. a tomato.. -_- dun ask me why.. some stupid tomato juz started running from one side of my mind to the other.. -_-" diaoZ.. and i tire out cuz.. sudd feel i hav so much things unsettled.. many many many things unsettled.. and yet i'm cooping myself up at home watching Qin Shen Shen Yu Meng Meng.. am i sick or wad -.-

i tink i sound like a mental patient here.. diaoZ..

today.. i kept staring down at my hands.. and started writing words on my hands.. i wrote the word.. "kept"... and realised it look abit.. er.. ABIT like "ketchup.." ok fine.. i noe there is a big difference.. diaoZ... kept.. ketchup.. kept.. ketchup.. kept ketchup... ketchup tht is kept.. kept tht is ketchup.. dun mind me.. told u i'm mentally unstable liaoZ..

and i started writing my chinese name.. backwards.. backwards.. as in.. all the strokes backwards too.. in the opposite direction of where it shld go.. diao... i muz be bored.. or realli crazy.. or both... boredly crazy... crazily bored.. fine.. i'm crapping again... -_-

my bro juz said.. "i tink u'll look cute in short hair.." my reply.. "i tink u'll look cute if u can become hollow man.."

hahahaz.. hope i din hurt his bo1 li2 xin1... lolZ...

me? cute? tht's wad i dun wan.. -_- i wan look.. er... er... strong.. -.-

diaoZ... nvmZ... dun tink anyone could understand wad someone who is going crazy is trying to sayZ...

off..

X-country... yah... i noe i lag...

reached east coast at 7... too early bah.. stood by the sea watch sun.. so nice.. -_- watched until 7 plus saw sheryl.. den sokmui came.. yar.. den we watched the dog walk ard on the sand.. until the time was almost up and we went to the fields...

saw somemore 2/6 ppl.. mainly ann, priscilla, jody, layjia, yanyu, weisiang.. blah... den watched the warmups.. it was so cold tht i din feel any warmth -__-... hao leng arh..

started the erm run? lolz.. sheryl sokmui and i walked the whole way there.. collected the sweet.. and sheryl wanted to jog back.. while me and sokmui walked the whole way back againZ..

came back.. opened the sweet den realise i dun wan to eat it.. so i threw it away.. -_-

walk walk walk ard...

fandhi ahmad toked.. he sounds like someone i noe.. juz tht i cant remember who.. from afar he doesnt look like the fandhi ahmad i always saw on tv.. -_- his speech.. er.. cant remember much of it.. juz tht he said u will never regret coming to skoo.. =/

after tht.. prize giving.. congratZ to jody, chengcheng, nigel, junjie.. and hanhui from 3/1.. =)

den we were dismissed.. 2/6 ppl went to watch hitch.. i din.. was with sokmui, sheryl and jiahao the whole afternoon.. watched the sea for some time.. stoned.. den went ard trying to find the way out.. =S walked for some time.. long long way.. along the way crapped alot.. den finally saw a taxi.. took it to suntec.. -_- still remembered getting on the taxi and i said take us to anywhere -_- heng the taxi driver malay.. and i spoke in chinese.. lolz..

had lunch in suntec burger king.. so funny... crapped alot alot alot.. jiahao finished his burger first.. followed by sheryl.. followed by sokmui.. i finished last.. dunno why.. mayb i crapped too much throughout the lunch.. lolz.. and we started the "Wo men shi Guangyang de xue sheng.." lolz.. none of us could finish our fries.. and we threw all of them on jiahao's tray and saying he din finish.. lolz.. and den we had coke-sprite -_- my coke + jiahao's sprite.. lolz.. den wanted to add ketchup.. was aiming for the cup one ok... den jiahao suddenly san3.. the ketchup landed on.. er... er... jiahao's.. er... pants... on the.. er.. er.. Erm.. yar... lolz.. not my fault.. who ask him to san3...

den he went to wash.. lolz.. den sheryl said something like good thing ur shirt is long.. if not very obscene.. hahaZ.. anywayZ.. the coke-sprite wif ketchup tasted quite nice actually.. lolz.. den we walked ard.. wif jiahao wanting to evaporate the.. er... water on his pants.. lolz.. but each time he said he wan to evaporate.. makes us tink of.. er.. evaporating his.. er... er.. Erm.. ya..

den we took mrt to orchard.. wanted to take neoprints.. ya.. so we took.. dun feel like scanning.. too bad.. lolz.. den sheryl needed to go home.. while sokmui wanted to go to Sunny bookshop.. -_- so jiahao went to sunny bookshop wif sokmui while i walked sheryl to the mrt station... den walked back to far east.. den met 2/7'04 ppl.. vanessa, lijie, kumboon and two other ppl.. uh huh.. den lijie, kumboon and sokmui wanted to go take 3/7'05 neoprints.. so we went wif them...

den they had "te bie lai bing" meaning special guests.. lolz.. sometime while taking they pulled vanessa in to take.. den pulled jiahao in to take.. i san3 de kuai.. so din kanna.. in the end one of the shots they chosen had jiahao in it.. lolz.. extra..

uh huh.. den they wanted to go to kino.. sokmui, jiahao and me brought ice cream.. den we ate outside kino.. crapped more.. luffed more.. ya.. finished.. den went in.. den jiahao had to go.. so he went.. den me and sokmui walked ard more.. looking through scores which sokmui wants to buy but has no $$ becuz all the books are so damn X... the cheapest i could find was $15++ wif a ulu-dunno-who on the cover.. lolz..

decided to go home at ard 6 plus.. or izzit 5 plus.. cant remember.. den took mrt home.. yay... end of day...

summary of day at home yesterday...

been watching Qin Shen Shen Yu Meng Meng Vcd wif my sis who hav stopped working and is waiting for her private schooling to start in March.. watched a total of 8 or 9 discs.. equiivalent to 13 to 15 episodes.. hooked.. -_-

i realise.. i din eat anything yesterday.. except for a packet of twisties my bro bought and a cup of HL milk.. lolz.. and i havent ate anything today yet.. cuz it's onli 9.50am in the morning.. lolz.. feeling hungry..

i tink the folding-cranes thing hav gotten into my sub-conscious mind so much so tht i am folding cranes with no apparent reason.. yesterday while watching the vcds.. something got into me and i started tearing newspaper and making cranes for god noes wad reason.. until my sis asked wad am i doing tht for.. and it came out naturally.. "Charity..." den she asked.. "Wad charity?" and then it strucked me tht the fold crane thingy is over.. so i said "Self-chariti-sm".. she "HUH" me.. and den i juz luffed.. and ignored her.. lolz...

both arms been aching since yesterday.. dunno for wad reason.. -__-

i luv holidays... if onli everyday is holiday.. ya.. everyday.. as in.. er.. everyday.. EVERYDAY.. dun wan study larrr... stupid MOE.. why cant we hav school, but dun study.. juz go school for CCA.. dun hav classes.. dun hav assemblys.. go to school plainly for CCA.. or to play basketball/soccer/anything else u wan to.. anything else.. like.. er.. hopscotch 0_0 ok fine.. i crapping again..

`wounds take one night to heal.. scars take a lifetime to disappear... needs a compass.. cuz i lost my direction...]]

Friday, March 11, 2005

http://s35.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0ELJ2AQO9EOTD0KKOKFHQUXUU7

Thursday, March 10, 2005

i noe you're reading this.. becuz.. i'm not stupid..

nvmZ... =/

ann arh.. aHhhhHHHhhHHHhhhHHhhhHHHhhHhhhHHhhhHHhhhHHh

why are there so many mimosas ard me.. and i happen to be the stupid weed which doesnt feel a thing until i get plucked out by some weed-killers..

I REALLY DUN WAN CARE LE LAR

..

wo mei shi... -____-

my fault ur fault his fault her fault.. why always back to this??!! ahHHhhhHhhHHHhhHHHHhhH

my fault.. kZ.. Mine.

damn u.. onli noe how to make me cry........

..

zhen de mei shi..... for any others reading this.. er.. anybody.. skip reading this entry now -_- wo fa feng le

stupid crosscountry.. why cannot stop school today??!!! dun wan go skoo arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. someone break my legggs

wei shen mo yi ding yao bi1 wo tao bi xian shi... ran hou you bu rang wo tao.. bi1 wo mian dui xian shi...

I FEEL LIKE KILLING MYSELF LAR

..

for anyone else reading this.. WO MEI SHI... and stop reading....

damn me.. why i so scared ppl worry.. and den coming up to me and asking me if i'm alright.. =/

wo mei shi

wo mei shi

wo mei shi

wo mei shi

wo mei shi

wo mei shi

i noe why le.. scared ppl come up ask me if i'm alrite becuz scared i'll cry in front of them.. and i hate to cry in front of ppl.. cuz more ppl will start asking wad's wrong.. and i cant tink while crying.. so i say wrong things.. and den more ppl bu shuang.. and den i cry more.. and more ppl start asking wad's wrong.. and i start saying more wrong things and even more ppl bu shuang.. and the cycle goes on and on and on and on...

i'm crapping... plz ignore.. and u shouldnt even be reading this.. becuz i told u to skip this entry... so.. skip... skip.. u noe.. like a skipping rope.. skip.. ya ya.. skip... scroll downwards.. read the others.. dun read this...













yes... scroll more...





i hate to sigh.. cuz it doesnt help... but why cant i stop doing it.. damn me..

stupid flower.. wither den come alive.. wither den come alive.. muz well juz die lar!! si de tong kuai yi dian bu ke yi arh.. qian da.. stop pretending to be dead.. everytime throw halfway den come alive.. ahHHhHHHhhHHhh

i'm crapping.. and u... STOP READING THIS ENTRY

u tell me lar.. how to slp tonite.. how to go crosscountry tml.. zhen de bu xiang huo le lar.. tiao xia qu xia si ni... ya.. xia.. as in boo.. tht xia.. jump down scare u.. or cut.. or hang.. no place hang.. jump.. might scare small children.. cut.. long period of pain.. swallow medicine.. might not die.. suffocate myself.. sure fail.. run out find car knock me down.. might scare driver.. wait driver get into trouble.. bite tongue kill myself.. will onli bleed.. and pain.. but cant die..

someone giv me some suggestions..

..

wo mei shi ok.. and PLS i beg u.. stop reading.. i cant stop typing cuz i feel like typing..

feel like pulling my whole gullet out and cutting it wif a scissors.. and den watch it snap.. like overstretched telephone wires.. feel like slicing the neck one whole round.. and watch the blood drip.. drip.. drip.. down.. and den pry open the skins.. and watch the blood veins go lala.. feel like sticking two satay sticks into the eyes.. push them all in.. sink the wood into the eyeballs.. all the way.. and den pull it out.. either the eyes come out althogether.. and den use a scissors to cut any vessels still holding onto the eyeballs.. if the eyeballs dun come out.. and onli the satay sticks do.. nvm.. at least the eyes hav holes in the now.. two small holes.. nice eyes there...

feel like slicing the tongue into thin strips.. and den hang it ard the ears as ornaments.. merry christmas.. new christmas tree there.. feel like plucking out every single fingernail on the fingers.. and den forcing myself to bite those finger.. at the part when raw meat is.. the part when the fingernails hav juz came off.. bite.. as hard as possible.. feel the pain.. feel the glory... feel like cutting the head into half.. vertically half.. wif a chopper.. the type u use to slaughter animals.. from the bridge of the nose.. all the way down.. down.. down.. hear the sound.. feel the joy.. rejoice...

...

halo..

hols cuming soon.. yay.. tml cross country.. laz day of skoo.. haiZ.. rather it be juz another normal school day.. end at 12.30.. =/ realli lazy go east coast tml.. Zzz..

suspect i hav a brain tumour or sumthing.. been having realli terrible headaches very often... panadol extra dun help.. juz headache.. and headache.. and headache.. the more i tink, the worse it gets.. and the stupid brain juz cant stop tinking.. =S

laz nite dreamt i quarrelled wif meiching -_- in a house.. dunno whose.. alot other 2/6 ppl were there.. and i cant remember wad we quarrelled abt.. i onli remembered she pushed me down the stairs -__- and i rolled.. and rolled.. and rolled.. and den i woke up.. Zzz...

i wonder how i would look like if i hav three hands.. -_- dun ask me why i suddenly tink abt tht.. i've no idea too.... spastic thoughts like this juz ocme and go.. come and go.. cant do anything to stop the damn brain from tinking abt spastic stuff... Zzz..

-real tired-

sumtimes juz dun wan care abt anything tht happen in the world.. whoever wan to do wadever.. dun wan care.. dun wan bother.. anything.. realli anything.. ni xiang zhen yang jiu zhen yang... sui bian ni... tht type of feeling..

especially hate it when ppl flare up at me.. especially especially so when i dun even noe the reason.. so stop doing it..

wadever lar... ni xiang zhen yang jiu zhen yang.. mei yi jian...

sumthing tells me.. tml wun be happy.. -_-

.. nvm.. prove the something wrong.. wo jiu happy gei ni kan...

zhen de mei you bi yao wei le bu kai xin de shi er bu kai xin.. he bi... wei qu zi ji...

wei shen mo xin zhong shi hui tong.. wei shen mo yan lei zhong shi hui liu.. wei shen mo fang shou mei yong suo shou de rong yi...

hao xiang hui dao na ge jian dan shi jie li... zao zi ji....

Zzz.. nvmZ... i'm alrite.. i tink -_- mei shi lar.. dun care me.. -_- nth drastic happened to me.. i'm ok... so dun worryZ...

`when the day comes for me to let go of the tired hand.. i believe i would.. when the day comes for me to forgo you.. i believe i would.. when the day comes for me to cry alone.. i believe i would... the day has come.. the tired hand.. the forgotten u.. the cries alone.. but why.. why cant i let go...

ann arh.. why izzit tht everything i use to console/ council ppl i can never use it on myself.. =/

... wo hen kai xin ok.. wo mei shi... zhen de mei shi... -__-

^^sounds so depressed up there.. den say wo mei shi.. =/ er.. fine.. dun tok le... =/

walking alone to mrt station.. thought more.. understood more.. dun understand even more...

tch... hav the urge to fall down now den dun go skoo tml.. -__-

kkz.. byeZ...

Monday, March 07, 2005

you lai... everytime xin qing bu hao feel like blogging.. blogger shows me a blank page.. Zzz.. notepad.. againZ.. =/

-_- 3 things i hate when toking to ppl.....
1. ppl saying Nvm or nth to me...
2. ppl toking to me but looking at the person there..
3. ppl starting a conversation happily.. and den sudd mood swing.. den sad all the way..

becuz it makes me wonder.. whether did i do sumthing wrong.. without me knowing it.. whether i've actually offended the person or wad.. =S

`wo zhi dao shang xin bu neng gai bian shen mo.... na me... rang wo chen shi yi dian...

[[zhu wo sheng ri kuai le]]

weird things kept happening today...

early in the morning... this man.. cant tell ard how old.. cuz it was dark.. walked up to me.. and started mumbling.. -_- tried to san3 lar.. duh.. walked the other way.. den he walked away to block my way.. den i was like er.. eXcuse Me... and den i looked up at him and he was looking at me wif tht sad look in his eyes -___- errr... den i tried to walk away again.. and den this time he din move to block me.. he juz stood there.. head low.. shoulders hung.. sad look on face.. while i walked away..

when i turned and look.. he was still there... same position.. head low.. shoulders hung..

weird

sounds so.. -_- drama -_-

in the morning came to skoo books fell on me from the top of the lockers.. -_- not mine.. someone else.. suayed...

sumthing tells me... today.. is a sad sad day.......

dreamt of two worms fighting last nite... -_- yar.. two worms.. but scene.. is damn.. bloody... dunno where all the blood came from.. maybe from me -_-... cant believe it.. i was acutally enjoying the dream.. didnt seem like a nightmare despite the worms and the blood..

i tried typing the word WORM onto words, enlarging it.. and den staring at it for a long time.. dunno why.. i get the SCARED feeling.. even when it's juz a word.. the word itself.. gives me the creepy feeling.. fine.. i'm crapping again.. why am i scared of a word.. -_-

someone do me a favour.. bring me a worm on my bday.. i wan scream.. too long time din scream liaoZ..

-try screaming-

ah.

=S see wad i mean.. my scream comes out as ah. yes.. ah. tht's all.. =/

suddenly realise.. if u bring me a worm on my bday.. i wud not onli scream -_- i wud most probably cry -_- or run 1 round around school compound, overcome all the benches in the canteen, climb all the trees in our school, try hiding under all tables and cupboards, or worse come to worse.. make myself blind so tht i wun see tht horrible, disgusting, heart-wrenching, scary, frightening, amazingly-untolerable, squiggly, BLEAH thing.. urgh.. tht's how much i hate, no, HATE tht horrible, disgusing, heart-wrenching, scary, frightening, amazingly-untolerable, squiggly, BLEAH thing.. -_-

why am i toking abt worms all of a sudden.. -_-

and i sudd wonder.. why do i always ask whys.. =/

`shi wan ge wei shen me

hao lei.. wan slp dun wan wake up.. how.. wan slp forever.. -_-

hav this crazy thought of passing my 15th bday.. den go to slp forever.. -_- b4 tht make a wish wishing no one will be sad if i die.. and den test it out whether the wish will come true.. -_- gou diao..

printer seems to be telling me something.. although it is more like a vegetable printer nowZ.. cant print anything.. put there for show.. wasted piece of plastic wastingly sitting on the tabletop.. wasting tht space and the energy for ppl to look at it.. wad a waste.. -_- riteZ.. back to wad the printer was telling me.. ok fine.. i forgot -_-

there are times when i sigh and den i ask myself why did i sigh.. like.. i sigh le den i thought to myself.. wad was tht sigh for? over this matter? or over tht one?? or tht tht one?? and den the answer always comes out as.. you are sighing for All These..

and den there are times when i luff at something and den forgot wad i luffed abt 3 seconds later.. yes.. it happens.. and rather often too.. see how unimportant things seem to us sometimes.. -_-

i wonder.. who invented sighing.. i mean.. no one was born to noe how to sigh.. it's becuz u heard ppl doing it, understand tht u sigh in wad circumstances.. and den u sigh when u feel like it in future.. i wonder.. if a baby born has never heard an adult sigh in all his or her life.. will he or she sigh? come to tink of it.. i've never heard of kids ard the age of 5, 6 or 7 sighing.. mayb becuz they havent understood how to? lolz.. wad weird thoughts...

ya.. back to weird.. weird day today.. a butterfly stopped on my hand when i came out of the bathroom after i bathed juz now.. i juz froze there and watched the butterfly on my hand.. quite a long time i tink... i dunno.. dunno how long it was before it flew away.. and it flew upwards.. across my face.. from the chin to the forehead.. and i watch it fly upwards.. b4 it overtakes my head and den flew out of the window.. weird.. but nice..?

and i suddenly realise.. i shld be sleeping...

stopped for now.. tell me if u tink i'm writing in the blog too.. er.. er.. dunno how to say.. ya.. like this.. ok wadever -_-

choZ

Sunday, March 06, 2005

blog-browsing.. credits: XiaXue

cute=)















hao ke ai ar =)

....this is funny -_-











ahahahaahahhahaZ







-gone-

Saturday, March 05, 2005

summary of day at home..

cranes.. cranes.. cranes.. and more and more cranes..

am tired and sleepy.. but dun feel like sleeping =_=

fell when jogging juz now.. suay-ed..

choZ

some mistakes...

she din jump.. she slit her wrists... and she din die.. she's in alexandra hospital now..

=/.. xia si wo...

ppl from her skoo telling me she jumped.. dunno how it spread.. went to see her juz now.. she was sleeping.. din wait for her to wake up..

`wo mei shi...

Friday, March 04, 2005

cant sleep.. time check.. 2227... calmed down abit after long time bathing.. dried

been staring at the windows media player visualization full screen for the past half an hour.. kept on repeating the songs Xiao Shi Hou and Xiang Chao Ba Bu by nqmm.. felt.. weird..

something inside tells me i shld juz go slp and tml will be a better day.. but the min i lie in bed, i start seeing images formed in the dark.. on the ceiling.. images like P6 classroom.. my seat.. P6 form teacher.. P6 chinese teacher.. P6 social studies teacher.. P6 music teacher.. P6 after-schools.. the canteen.. the GO.. the staffroom.. AMK staffroom and GO... KB staffroom and GO... noe the school inside out.. noe which tables in the staffroom belongs to which teacher.. noes even how the GO works.. noes the positions of the computers.. the school bell.. the announcement PA in the GO... all the teachers.. the prefect-mistress.. the hall.. the backstage.. the flag poles.. the bookings i gave.. for catching ppl who arent speaking english.. for ppl who were late.. for ppl who i see buaysong..

the library.. of KBPS... den old AMKPS.. den the new AMKPS... remembered.. all.. so.. well.. media rooms.. music rooms.. art rooms.. halls.. classrooms.. computer labs.. science labs.. bookshops.. gardens.. carparks.. basketball courts.. fields.. benches.. canteen aunties and uncles.. study corners.. afterschool care corners.. carporches... gates.. staircases..

feel like heart has one part torn away from it.. tht part dissolved inside.. all tht is left of it is grey ash.. felt the pain.. but it continues to beat.. and life has to go on.. at least for mine.. my life has to go on...

anything tht doesnt kills me makes me stronger..

i hope so

which means the next time if i'm in the same situation againZ.. i'm supposed to noe wad to do.. not supposed to be too sad.. becuz i shld be able to tell others tht all these is onli part of life.. i shld be the one doing the comforting.. i tink

talk abt cheering otherZ up.. why cant i do the same for myself..

when i tink of her.. i cry.. i cry becuz of her.. cry becuz i still dun understand why.....

why........

feel like running.. go for a jog or sumthing... wan get the feeling of the world rushing past me.. running away from truth.. running away from reality..

i still dun wan to believe....

frightens me to think tht someone whose mind was stronger than mine had given up.. the one who used to psycho me into believing in wad i do.. in enjoying wad i do.. had given up.. frightens me cuz i'm scared i wud too.. cant stop myself from having those tots sometimes.. can control my actions.. but cant control my thoughts.. wad i tink.. they come.. naturally..

time: 2248

how to say.. in my brain.. feels like.. my brain is stationed at one spot.. but there are many many images.. many many things rushing past it.. all the brain could see are short snips of each scene.. come and go.. come and go.. many many things.. many many images.. one after another.. cant make any connection.. cant remember any.. cant remember wad i hav juz thought abt in the last second.. becuz there are so many..

yes, tht type of feeling..

-dunno how to reply jiahao's sms.. so dun reply..-

left ann's colouring book in the locker.. i shld hav brought it home.. nvm.. shall fold cranes..

juz stared into windows media player visualization againZ.. eyes will lose focus and juz plain-stare.. tht type u get when u stare at something for too long.. lose ur focus and all u see is blur.. blur.. blur.. and more blur..

am online but appearing offline.. cuz dun wan tok to alot of ppl.. mainly those who will ask me abt her.. abt whether i noe why.. but i realli dunno... i wish i noe too....

dunno wad else to type... but will go on typing.. and typing.. and typing...

there are times.. when i wished tht something tht is happening will never end.. like the dinner at airport terminal 2.. like when i was playing the swing at pasir ris park on one of the mornings during the camp.. like when we were playing wif water at pasir ris park on sec 1 first outing... like when jay was singing qilixiang during his concert.. like when jay was playing the grand piano..

suddenly felt.. i have to go online some day.. face up wif difficulties.. i'm supposed to be strong..

-online-

tht reminds me... i'll sms jiahao and tell him i dunno wad to sms him.. face up wif difficulty.. i'm supposed to be strong..

-smsed-

why i dun feel any stronger.. =/

another 5 mins stared into visualizations.. blurry eyes.. damn headache.. sumtimes i wish i hav no brain.. juz so i wun hav tht damn headache.. ow

observing my own fingers.. wonder why they are shaped like this.. why is the laz finger always the shortest... and why does the thumb always means good.. why arent the normal positions of our fingers crossed.. or folded.. why are the spaces between the four fingers abt the same but space between the index finger and the thumb big.. why is there sound when we clap our hands.. why wun our palms hurt when we clap.. why do all the fingers hav fingernails.. wad are fingernails for.. why are there so many lines.. on our palms.. and on our fingers..

suddenly tinking of crosscountry.. dun ask me why.. juz tot of it.. wan run.. run.. run..

run away from everything.. tsk

typed such a long entry.. time check.. 2307.. hse quiet.. everyone home is asleep.. mayb i shld too.. =/

k den..

feels.. so.. pain....

dunno how to say... still refuse to accept the fact.. still believing this is the worst nightmare ever.. and i will wake up soon.. mayb it's april's fool.. or mayb they are all lying.. mayb i'm hallucinating... i still refuse to believe...

all the prep talks abt cherishing ur life.. abt not to take ur life lightly.. abt living ur life to the fullest.. abt growing up together.. whether me to her or her to me... all.. seem.. so.. meaningless.. all.. of... a... sudden...

-still crying-

still dun believe.. all the 4 ppl who smsed me muz hav ganged up to bluff me.. even her mother lied when i called her hse.. becuz.. i still dun believe..

why..........

gone.. juz liddat... and never back again... why do i hav to experience all these in the past month...

first the aunt.. den coach... den felicia... now u...

why.... why could u endure the past two months plus... why... why now not......

-unbearable headache-

165.. stupid holy number... why.....

cum back and tell me why......

-unbearable headache-

the first sms i received.. wo niu being played... `wo yao yi bu yi bu wang shang pa... zai zui gao dian cheng zhe ye wang qian fei...

zai zui gao dian wang qian fei... my heart almost flew out of my mouth... "kip ur cool kX.." how.. u tell me how..

-blardy headache still..-

one word to describe current mood.. haunted... two words to describe current mood.. very haunted.. three words to describe current mood.. very very haunted... four words to describe current mood.. wants to wake up...

-highly disturbed-

u tell me how to keep my cool.......`

Thursday, March 03, 2005

bah.. back -_-

should hav passed all subjects.. got back both maths and physics and lit.. all passed.. so the rest shoud be alright...

maths.. haiZ.. tht connection not dereZ leZ.. how to say... tht maths-brain-cells not dere le... times when i do maths now.. i tink to myself.. no matter how i do still going to wrong de.. so do for wad.. den will start tinking abt why traffic lights hav 3 colour lights instead of 4.. and den i will do sumthing stupid on the paper like.. 4-3=7... diaoZ...

on phone.. wif brother.. he called me..:
Brother: hello
Me: hello.. wad
Brother: nth cannot call u meh..
Me: wad u wan..
Brother: wan to watch Hide and Seek?
Me: ..... wad u wan....
Brother: wan to watch Hide and Seek or not
Me: ...ok
Brother: haha.. bluff u de
Me: ... u nth better to do izzit..
Brother: obvious wad...
Me: GO AND DIE LAR
Brother: sauyda
Me: wad's tht
Brother: a word.. i invented
Me: liasu
Brother: wad's tht
Me: a word.. i invented
Brother: ........
Me: ksail vkjud skauw waioud asakye vjuayd (baby-talking)
Brother: wad's ur problem..
Me: more like wad's urs...
Brother: my problem is.. i'm too bored in the office..
Me: my problem is.. u're too bored in the office..
Brother: and the solution is.. call and crap wif u...
Me: and the solution is.. hang up..
Brother: ...dun so hen3 lar... i'm ur brother lehZ...
Me: I NOEEE.. dUn ReMinD mE~~ i noe how sad it is to hav such a brotherrr.. boohoo
Brother: ...
Me: can i hang up now, bRoThEr?
Brother: no
Me: WAD U WAN MAN..
Brother: i oso dunno
Me: why dun i hang up and u continue toking on the phone like i'm listening..
Brother: ..ok
Me: GREAT.. THANKS ALOT
(hangs up)

am i unfortunate or unlucky to hav such a brother.. am i unfortunate? or am i unlucky? -_-

take care everyone =)

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

hi.. back.. to blog.. duh

past two days din come online.. feel realli tired..

yesterday.. we went to send felicia off.. nth to say larZ.. all of us said wun cry de.. in the end one cry, den another one cry.. den another one see the two cry so she oso cry... den in the end all the girls cried.. i controlled liaoZ.. but cannot larZ.. see all of them cry juz felt.... very... very.. sad...

when felicia waved.. in the departure hall.. carrying her luggage.. juz seconds b4 she goes in... waved to us.. through the glass... cant bring myself to wave back.. waving to someone knowing u might never see her again felt so pain... waved back.. din cry.. held tears.. den saw sheryl.. saw her crying.. aiseh... cannot take it arh... turned to another side.. ann crying.... turned away.. head low.. walk walk walk.. raised head up, saw meiching crying... sitting on the chair.. cannot take it le.. cry.. den cry lar..

when we stood outside the glass pane.. everytime we watch chinese dramas... scenes in the airport.. the ppl leaving always take very long time b4 they disappear out of sight de.. but in reality... why so fast... so fast gone.. xiang kan duo ji yan dou bu xing....

when she's gone.... felt like... lost on an expressway with all the vehicles rushing past u.. tht was wad i felt.. took me awhile to swallow the fact.. tht yes.. felicia has migrated.. she wun appear in skoo tml morning anymore.. tht type of.. u-know-it-so-u-have-to-accept-it feeling..

hav to be strong anywayz... wan others to be happy i muz be happy first.. you muz be the change u wan to see in the world.. sounds familiar? lolz... more so.. many others are so much sadder than i am... meiching.. sheryl.. ann.. ankita.. naomi.. dun need to add me in.. i'm ok.. they are the ones who are not...

hav to learn.. to cheer ppl upZ...

sigh

onli wednesday.. but feel so tired.. tht type of feeling i wud experience onli on fridays....

ann........ tink........ wad...... iz....... the....... best........ for....... u....... get ur true happiness back..... time to choose.. either....... or........ my first time not telling u to jian chi dao di..... how i'm feeling nowZ....... iz..... how he's feeling nowZ.....