Saturday, August 27, 2005

Things that you should not do when you see me sleeping:
1. Wake me up because you want to see my reaction.
2. Wake me up because you want to borrow something.
3. Wake me up for the fun of it.

Because my reaction will be:
1. Throw stones at you.
2. Throw whatever you want to borrow at you.
3. Throw you out of the window. (exaggerated, but you never know)

You should:
1. Wait for me to wake up.

If you need my attention urgently, you can:
1. Wait for me to wake up.

If the room really is on fire, you can:
1. Try putting out the fire.
2. Wait for me to wake up.

If, I said IF, there really is an emengency, like for example, the room is on fire and the fire extinguisher has caught fire, and there are 400 cyclones out there ready to attack the house, and there is a snow storm and temperatures are dropping at 50 degrees celcius per second, and 2000 trees have collapsed onto the house and the roof is giving way, and there are 350 hungry tigers, 540 very hungry wolves, 600 super hungry crocodiles, 10000 million worms crawling on the ground, you can:
1. Wake me up.

But then again, I wouldn't want to wake up seeing all these, so you should:
1. Not wake me up.
2. Run for your life.

However, if you're on the verge of committing sucide, you can:
1. Wake me up.
2. Just jump.

If you're too sad at that point of time to wake me up, you can:
1. Call my handphone and watch it vibrate till I wake up.
2. Call three others to start a table and start playing mahjong by my bedside.
3. Call Mediacorp and request the TV to screen the National Anthem, then call Priscilla to come and on it at full blast.

If you're out of reach of a phone, you can:
1. Run to the nearest phone booth to do one of the above.
2. Borrow the phone from me, in the process you'll wake me up, and I'll throw the handphone at you, and it'll knock you unconscious, and so that solves the problem.

If all fails and your life depends on me waking up this instant, you can:
1. Try, TRY waking me up.

I MIGHT give you a chance to explain your intention IF I wake up, and then you should:
1. Talk in short sentences because it's easier to register.
2. Cut short the speech, if need be.

Because if I don't get what you're saying, I will:
1. Get back to sleep.

And then you should:
1. Start cursing me and hating me all you want, and then in the process you'll realise there is some meaning in life afterall, that is, to hate me, and then you'll give up the thought of sucide.

But if, IF I get what you're saying, I MIGHT:
1. Yawn.
2. Stretch.
3. Yawn again.
4. Rub eyes.
5. Scratch head.
6. Fall back to sleep.

If I did show any of those signs, you should:
1. Pull me up by the collar (if any) or the shirt and scream WAKE UP ten times into my ears.

If I do wake up then, you should:
1. Congratulate yourself and wait for me to prepare the certificate of Great Honours to you, and by then, you'll get cheered up by the fact that you managed to wake me up, which means your spirts will be lifted, which means you'll be abit happier, which means you might give up the thought of sucide.

But, if I don't wake up, you should:
1. Knock yourself into the wall for being unable to wake me up, and in the process knock yourself unconscious, and that solves the problem again.

In conclusion, it is a chore to wake me up when I'm deep in sleep because you'll either:
1. Get thrown things at.
2. Get fed up.

So:
1. Don't try.