Sunday, May 15, 2005

halo.. i'm back again...

changed the background song again.. this time is Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day.. =)

went out yesterday wif ann like mentioned in the last entry.. we went yck gym.. was there for abt 2 hours.. kept running on the running machine cuz i felt like running... run run run den went play the cycle thing.. dunno how to cycle real bicycles so hav to resort of fake ones.. hahaz.. crap.. did other usual things and felt worked out.. lolz..

den we changed in the toilet there and poured alot of johnsons baby powder.. den we went bishan and jiahao treated us long john's for lunch.. den it was still early so the three of us went to take neoprints.. and den ann had to go for tuition so we went novena.. den ann went for tuition and jiahao went home.. i went woodlands, supposed to meet chingwen they all.. but they sudd tell me they at orchard... pangseh me.. so went home..

smsed ann to tell her she left her postcards wif me.. she finished her tuition and was bored and asked me to call her.. so i called.. and den we chatted.. and den she had to eat dinner so we hang up.. den elder sis bought home kfc and yoshinoya and lots of food for dinner wif her bf.. so i ate and ate and ate.. alot.. =/ den both sisters and elder sis's bf watched comedy on tv.. left the com on while watched a little while eating.. forgot wad show it is.. -_-

kept thinking abt alot of things these few days.. seems like i'm the least troubled one among all my frens.. -_- seems like i noe all my frens' troubles.. seems like i hav troubles too but i'm toking to myself abt them -_-" ok nvm...

see lar.. why so many frens.. so many everywhere.. how many realli noe wad i unhappy or sad abt at times.. last nite was thinking abt this.. and den i smsed at random at abt 10 ppl "Ahhhhhhhhhh".. juz to test how many will care.. out of 10, 10 replied.. show u the responses..

1. "wad happen.. wad happen.. wad happen..."
2. "shi1 lian4 arh?"
3. "so late dun wan slp ahhhhh me to wake me up.. tsk"
4. "huh? ah? ah wad?"
5. "i din boo u lar -.-"
6. ".......uh huh..?"
7. "wah... so long din hear from u.. hear from u only u start screaming... wad happen?"
8. "harh?"
9. "wad happen..?"
10. "want cry den cry lar.. take care"

-________________-"

number 10 was from chingwen.. -_-" hao ku4.. -_-" nvmZ..

got many things inside me dying to say but cant say anything.. hav alot of thoughts abt ppl but hav to keep them all to myself.. wad is xiang shuo jiu shuo xiang zhuo jiu zhuo.. not possible kZ.. now den i realise not possible.. some things i juz hav to keep mum.. some things i juz hav to pretend i dun mind.. some things i juz hav to seem like i'm always positive.. sometimes i hav to joke even when i'm not happy.. wad crap..

dying to run again.. =/

dunno wad to say.. mayb sth is wrong wif me or wad lar.. i'm used to lead.. no wait.. rephrase.. dunno how to say.. when it comes to things like deciding where to hav lunch or wad movie to watch etc.. i very sui bian.. wad others wan to do.. wad frens wan to do.. i follow.. but when it comes to things like organizing sth more major like bbq or wad.. i'm more used to leading.. wad has tht got to do wif wad i'm blogging.. good question..

somehow i like to help others.. i like to help others especially so when they need help.. not becuz they'll be grateful afterwards or wad.. but becuz i always believed tht ppl onli help ppl who they think deserved to be helped.. and all my frens deserve to be my frens.. so they deserved to be helped when they need help.. sth like tht.. my father always taught me and my siblings when we were young tht a successful person cant be one tht walks a lonely trek and succeed entirely based on his own efforts.. all successful ppl hav frens.. alot alot of frens.. and he taught us tht we muz be loyal and trustworthy.. never betray and never look down on frens..

yar, tht was wad i was taught when i was in like P4 or P5.. my father had 12 sworn brothers.. a few were dead.. and the others helped to look after the dead brothers' wives and children by forking out money monthly.. and help look out for each other.. one of the 12 sworn brothers is my godfather.. (i cant remember how he looks like -_- cuz i see him onli on new year days.. lolz..) i look up to my father as example lar.. same goes for my other siblings bah...

up till now.. all i've been doing is becuz tht was wad i've been told to do since young.. and tht was wad my father and my elder siblings did.. so it seems onli right to follow.. but seriously.. where do all my frens go when i need someone to tok to.. why izzit tht i cant seem to find a single person who wun feel irritated when i am not in a good mood.. why is everyone so used to seeing me joke and luff around.. wad's my problem..

there were times when i feel so tired and i feel like stopping time and travelling backwards and choose not be the one everyone goes to when they need a shoulder to cry on.. there were times i feel so down and unhappy but i hav to smile the big wide smile back in school juz to cheer those who are upset up.. there were times when i hav to put aside wadever is on my mind and act like an idiot to make others luff..

i'm not complaining.. becuz all these seems like wad i hav to do.. and i hav to do.. i muz do.. and hav to continue doing.. mayb i find joy in seeing others cheered up becuz of my stupid jokes and those lalalaluli lailanlia things.. dunno.. mayb i feel happier when others luff cuz u cant be too sad when u are surrounded by happy ppl..

and it all soon seems like i dun hav the right to be upset abt anything..

nvm..

wait.. i'm considering whether i should publish this entry... ok.. heck.. i feel like running..

i love ann.. she told me to write this..i cant say she told me to write this becuz she said i cant say is she ask me type in de.. haZ.. lolz..