Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Not right doesn't necessary means wrong. Not wrong doesn't necessary means right.

Yesterday:
I typed a long long long entry which was about twice the length of the OBS post but then it got deleted halfway because time out. I could only recover less than half the post later so I trash the whole thing. So bloody irrtating, so I logged off and went to highlight my dictionary. I told myself I'll stop blogging for one month.

Today:
After a night's sleep, blogger doesn't seem that irritating already. Maybe that post just isn't fated to be published. I came online because Sokmui smsed me to listen to her blog music. (Anyway, I heard none. -_- Maybe something's wrong with my computer, I don't know.) And I felt like blogging, so I blogged.

Something is wrong with me, internally. I'm saying things that I don't mean. And I get aggitated very easily. Sometimes I just want to sit down and do nothing and watch time fly past me. Ok lar, I do that very often. And, I really think I need to get away. That thought is coming back. I'm holding back on to nothing. It's more like dependance. And the same the other way round too. I know. Not sure, but it's nothing like what you think.

Perhaps this October. Or November. I only know it's very soon.

Don't try to analyse me like I do on you lar. What you said isn't anywhere near how it's actually like. Such things like "hanging in mid air", it's not. I may not be very accurate in evaluating myself, but I'm in a clear state of mind to know how it's like and how it's not. No matter what you ask, my answer won't be "I don't know". And counselling doesn't work on me either. In the first place, I don't have any impression that I should need any counselling, so your first step should be to convince me I need it. Otherwise whatever you say, I'll start thinking about your emotions and why you said that etc rather than actually digesting what you said.

That's how I'm like larh. Sometimes I can get very worked up inside, my pulse rate probably hitting like how it was after 2.4km, but then I'm showing no signs at all outside.

A few days ago, I was in class. For some reasons I can't recall, I felt my heartbeat racing, very quickly. Perhaps I was excited, or frightened, I can't remember. But on the exterior, I rested my chin on my palm, bored look, with half closed eyes.

Other times I can appear to be so hyped up, when I'm thinking about some other thing that happened yesterday, considering why it happened, and such things tend to be those which aren't very cheery. Like as I'm blogging now, I'm thinking about Initial D. If I remember correctly, I felt this way after the June chalet last year. When all the thoughts run wild, and I kept getting the feeling that what just happened in the last second has happened before and I'm living in my dream.

Weird huh, Sheryl said she experienced this very often. This is my second time.

And there were times when I just stared into space, waiting for that day where I can see some particles floating around.

I'm considering. (Okay this sentence just came to my mind and so I typed it out.)

I changed the song in the background. This is a song which I first heard last year in late November, and I liked it quite alot.

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SEAL - Kiss From A Rose

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey.

There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?

But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey.

I've been kissed by a rose on the grey,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the grey.

There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.

But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.

Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.

-------------

Sandy isn't very happy. I don't know why.

I've got to go. My father bought durians. Perhaps food can cheer Sandy up. Or I'll try telling her lame jokes later.

ChoZ.