(All names changed to protect identity of people involved)

Spastic #1: Yongyua*
Who sings Wang Zai Niu Nai in the court while playing doubles? Who says "Hi six lar" when someone hi fives him? Who got a shock when someone shouted "I'm going to scare Yongyua*" before scaring him? Who keeps complaining about how much sesame seeds there are in his Chee Cheong Fun when all others have started eating? Who laughs before Sebastia* tells a joke? Who says "I'm happy even though I've lost, because MY OPPONENT WON" with the wide grin and the most spastic face in the universe? Who gets all excited over the vending machine because there's a slot called The Mystery Drink?

There's only one answer. He-who-triumphs-over-all-spastic-beings. The great great master of true spasticity. Him. One look and the first word that comes out of your mouth is. Spastic. The second word will then be. Spastic. And your third word will again be. Spastic. Only by the 4th word will you master enough strength and power to say something else. Yongyua*.

Spastic #2: Jenn*

Imagine. You wake up one day and you know it. Today's going to be an unlucky day for you. Your aircon's spoilt, your living room is on fire, your Jay poster is burnt. You walk out of your room, the computer topple on you, you break two arms. You admit into the hospital, the doctor dies of heart attack before your bed, he falls over you, your bed breaks, you break two more legs. You feel terrible, you feel like nothing's ever going to be right in this world. And then the roses at your bedside wither. You tell yourself, you hate this world, you are unhappy, you are sad, you are depressed.

And then. The ward door opens. There comes a blinding light, a light that signifies hope and happiness and promises. You thought an angel is going to appear. But all who came in is visiting friend. Someone, by the name of Jenn*. You tell yourself, angels don't come to unlucky people. You tell yourself you should give up hope. Head hung low, you tell Jenn* to go away.

"HI!"

-bugs bunny theme song playing in background-

You raised your head. And you see.

The smiling girl. No, the ever ever ever ever smiling girl. No no, the ever ever ever ever ever smiling spastic girl. Yes, Jenn*.

You smiled. You realised, the world is a very very happy place. You jumped up in joy, and your broken legs healed miraculously. You stretched out your hands to dance with Jenn*, and your broken arms healed miraculously. All of a sudden everything is so right. You feel great. You thank God for having created the ever ever ever ever ever smiling spastic girl. Yea.

"Hey Jenn*! What's your surname?"

"-smiles- Let me finish smiling first! -smiles- Oh! My surname? Spastic! -smiles-"

There. Jenn* Spastic.

Spastic #3: Fion*

Do I need an introduction? Oh right. I'm using a protected name. So you people won't know who I'm talking about.

When Sandy was born, she was there. She watched Sandy grow up. She taught Sandy how to dig holes onto the windscreen of the double decker bus in order to enjoy the air con. She taught Sandy without warning her beforehand that her finger might get frost bites. And then she laughed, mercilessly, at Sandy, when her finger dropped off due to extreme coldness. Furthermore, she encouraged Sandy to dig another hole with a new finger.

That's so cold blooded, isn't it.

She watched how Sandy stucked herself to the windscreen. And she watched how Sandy fell down on her back when the bus jerked. And she, she, she invented mashed Sandy. Hot from the oven. Fresh. Tasty. Sandy never cried. She wailed.

And when you have a chance to go under water, diving or swimming or whatever. Never, never, I warn, NEVER, say "Under the sea". Because if you do, something terrible will happen. It's a curse, it happens, it always does. You'll start hearing a shrilling voice, a trail of horror that sings after you, in a hum you wish you'd never known. Under the Sea. You turn, and you see, to your horror, her behind you.

Scream. While you still can. Before the glass-shattering voice drown you in your own tears. Run for your life, what are you waiting for? Oh my, you're under the sea. Then swim, idiot.

Spastic #4: Terrenc*

10 steps to cheering yourself up
1. Pack your clothes.
2. Leave for badminton chalet.
3. Stone for 4 hours.
4. Stone for another 4 hours
5. At 10pm sharp, shuffle the cards.
6. Shout "Terrenc*!"
7. Shout "Play Speed with me" when he replies.
8. Give out the cards equally.
9. Play Speed with Terrenc*.
10. Prepare to laugh.

10 steps to showing how dumb a senior can get
1. Pack your clothes.
2. Leave for badminton chalet.
3. Stone for 8 hours.
4. Play Speed with Terrenc*.
5. Play the Call Name game with Terrenc*.
6. Name him Colgate.
7. Name yourself Water.
8. Give out the cards.
9. Play the game.
10. Say "I've proven how dumb a senior can get."

1 steps to showing how spastic a senior can get
1. Find Terrenc*.

Spastic #5: Sebastia*

By the sound of his name, you might not understand how spastic he could get. But this name, comes together with the great great master of true spasticity. Yongyua*. Together, they are a pair that emits an unspeakable aura called The Spastically Spastic Spasticism. In short, The SSS. Don't try challenging them into a game of Who is more Spastic. They have won the champion title for 215763178 consecutive years. They, are who people call The Ultimate SSS pair.

Sebastia*. A name that send shivers down all spines of Spastics who join the Who is more Spastic championship. He leaves only one unbeaten rival. But this rival, happens to be his best partner. But he is contented, already. Afterall, "I'm happy even though I've lost, because MY OPPONENT WON!"

He has the face that says "Laugh." He has eyes that seem to scream "I am spastic." He has a body that seem to express "I am very spastic." He is in all, a masterpiece of Spasticism. Although he too himself is convinced that he still has a long way to go before attaining the highest level of spasticity aka the Yongyua* great master level, he is second to best, already.

And we're all proud of you, Sebastia*. You've done us proud in the last 21567178 years of Who is more Spastic championships. All the best for your future endeavours. -Yongyua*'s wide grin-

Spastic #6: The Mystery Person

No, she's not from the vending machine. You don't need one dollar to see how spastic she is. As long as you have eyes, working eyes, eyes that are don't shoot birds like Jonatha*'s do, you'll know, she's the spokesperson for The Spastic Mentos, The Spastic Hindi shows etc.

Yes. That's right. You've got it.

MG :) wrote on 20:26.