Thursday, March 23, 2006
♥ Level

I'm feeling kind of, sad.

They're at it again. I don't know who to side this time. I don't even know what's the problem this time. It just blew off, some time last night. And no matter how loud I blast the music with the earphones plugged in my ears, I can't block out the fiery images behind my chair. And I'm beginning to hate interludes. I can hear them so clearly.

I can't lock myself up in the room, in the dark, and pretend I'm sleeping. Because I'm not. I'll still hear the shouts outside. I'll still hear the vulgarities, picture the expressions, understand abit here and there, but I won't block out all these. I can't block out all these. That's why I'm online, to blog, to read blogs, to chat on MSN, to pretend like it's not bothering me.

And although I tell myself, I don't want to care, I'll just sit on the fence, it's impossible to do so unless I'm not in the house.

I can't leave the house now because I'll end up slamming the door. And I'll probably not return till tomorrow morning. Spend the night in Vista Park or something. They're still at it now, it's been hours already. They just start and stop and start and stop. It'll go on till late at night, and everything ends when my brother finally slams the metal gate behind him.

I'm waiting till I feel sleepy. So that I'll just fall asleep once I touch the bed.

So it's not true that I've no family problems. They may not care about me, don't give a damn about me. I don't understand why it can't be the same with my brother. They give him the same freedom, but it just ends up different. And the two males in my family never stops getting pissed with each other.

And I hate feeling helpless. So fucking gnawing on my nerves.