Thursday, June 22, 2006
♥ Hope for hope

Sometimes hope is what keeps somebody going, like the will to live. That's why I always felt that it's impossible to go on living without hoping for something, or expecting something to happen. Life may be unpredictable, but we're always trying to predict what's going to happen the very next second, no?

Don't ask me why I started this entry with that. Some things don't need a reason, although there are reasons. As in, there's a reason why some things happen, although they don't need the reason. Or maybe they do, but I just think they don't. In fact I think nothing in this world owes an explanation. I love asking whys questions though. It sometimes amazes me how people can explain a simple logic using 15 sentences, backed with figures and examples and words you wish you never have to spell.

Back to the hope thingy, this morning I was thinking, as I waited for my turn at the clinic (fever, again), whether one day I might just be diagnosed with some incurable crap and just have to die. You know, I only realised today that I'm rather afraid of death. I always thought death has nothing to fear about, does not help fearing too.

But I'm afraid of the pain that associates with death. And I'm afraid of the regrets I've to live with, over the things I haven't managed to do, dreams I haven't managed to fufill, and people I haven't managed to love. Uh huh, and death is always a sad thing, even if it's the bad guy dying. Someone will feel sad for the bad guy too, I think.

And I wonder, if hope and death can come together. Like, hope to die or something. But death is a sad thing, and no one hopes to be sad huh. So, illogical.

Why did I come to talk about all this. It's just a stupid fever, which is already half or completely gone by now. I'm feeling much better.

And Sokmui is crazy over some stupid Korean guy. I don't care if she's going to kill me, haha. She's spoiling her image as a killer already. Tsk.

BYE!