Thursday, February 22, 2007
♥ Happy Birthday FIONA!

Must it always be like this?

When I thought I've done nothing really wrong my whole life, not been really upset my whole life, not done anything really regretable, I looked back at everything today and all I can say was TCH, and then I felt like laughing at myself because everything seems like a huge huge joke, no?

I know, I'm always joking around. Being the joker. Laughing at gillian Hanhui Chunying Sokmui Priscilla for being retarded, lame, crazy when really, I'm all of those. Right? And I always thought that life is meant to be enjoyable, and there's no point harping on unhappy stuff because duh, if there's something you can do about it, then by all means do it to make yourself feel better. But otherwise, forget about it.

And I'm not talking about totally forgetting about whatever troubles you because it won't happen unless you lose your memory. Forget about it, like, figuratively. The "Nevermind lah" or "It's okay lah" and yea, that's about it. And that's probably what I always do because sleep is all I need to make myself feel better. Wake up, yesterday is past, so think about today.

Which is what I guess makes me weird, because someone may have done something really mean to me and I get really angry, and I never talk to the person again, but still, it won't affect me in any other way. I may be pissed for an hour, two hours, seven hours, a day, but nothing more. Which seems funny to me now because I don't recall being upset for more than two days.

So maybe that's why you didn't get me. Because we're worlds apart you see. You won't understand my character, the way I will never understand yours. So I don't get why you can't give yourself the right to make yourself feel better. And that's probably getting on my nerves too. Because yea, I'm impatient and there's nothing you can do about that.

I feel like laughing at myself now because if I'm to explain everything to you, you'll find it funny too. It's like a really tangled cord. And when you thought you're undoing the knot, you're actually making it more tangled than before. Then you realise what you're doing so you grab the scissors, but the scissors grab you first, and then you try to use the cord to cut the scissors. And then you go, EH? How come I can get tangled in scissors?! So obviously the cord can't cut the scissors, and the knot is still tangled, and so are you.

(I know you don't get what I mean. Lol.)

Go ahead and get more depressed reading this. I don't really care anymore. You see, I can't care less about people who don't even stand straight and say they're alright. Go ahead and slouch and wallow in self-pity. There's a reason why I stopped talking to her. There's a reason why I kept saying you two are alike. Because you really are. And that's what's getting on my nerves. Yea, I'm impatient and there's nothing you can do about it.

I do care what's bothering you people okay. Even if you don't tell, even if I don't ask. I still care. Even though more often than not I know nothing's really wrong, you just don't feel like being happy. I know, though I don't really understand. I don't ask because you'll say Nothing, and nothing more.

And yes, I felt better when I woke up. But it didn't last long did it.

No, I've to reach out for the scissors and let the scissors grab me before I can grab the scissors. And then I call in the knife to help me cut the cord but the knife is more interested in the scissors. And the cord is still tangled. Which is what I started with. Still tangled.

So I thought, Forget it.

I recognise what happened yesterday and the days before but I won't harp on it, you get me? You get me you get me you get me you get me?

No wait. You won't get me. Because I'm weird.

Perhaps if you can hold yourself together and talk to me properly, I may be more tempted to talk to you. Stop crumbling in front of me because you know I hate weaklings. You're making me all guilty and yes, you're making me feel bad. And I hate it because I'm so angry. I hate myself for being nice and not telling you to stop talking to me like this. So I'm going to say it now, because I didn't say so yesterday.

Don't even mention Patch up. Don't make me hate you for being like this. And doesn't this sound familiar.

What's with the Remain friends and the Don't ignore me like last time, where has it gone? You know well why I ignored you last time. Quit being like this and I really will be friends with you. Sounds like a threaten? It isn't. But if you insist it is, I won't be bothered to argue with you.

Tch.

Ali, I thought I handled it well (with your help). Why did it turn out like this now, only now.

On a lighter note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FIONA! YOU'RE 16 AND LEGAL! :D

Okay, crap. I got to sleep.

PS: The 4/1 girl who's in the same class as me now, I mean the one from Taiwan, formerly from Chinese Dance. Yea you know who I'm talking about? The one with the extremely long hair (she said I can't mention her name)... Oh, her boyfriend formerly from 4/3, badminton, currently now in AndersonJC, the one whose surname starts with a Tan. Yea? You know who? The S...... person yea. He sent her a cute message saying something like "This is a mesasge from my heart, the place where I keep nice people like you..." AW HOW SWEET YEA.

Si Mian Chu Ge. Ha.