Friday, July 29, 2005

Wow! I wasn't online for five solid days from Monday to Friday! Eh, wait. Today's Friday, not Saturday yet. Okay, so I wasn't online for four solid days from Monday to Thursday. Haha. I think I've gone mad up there from all the &#!$%^ things that happened this week.

It seems like I hasn't been telling people what was on my mind. Probably because I figured I'll start crying like siao once I start talking about these things. It always do, so I resorted to talking to myself before I sleep every night, and I just keep crying and crying I start wondering whether I've really gone mad or something. =_=

Last Sunday night my brother and my father quarelled. But I was already asleep by then so I didn't know. In fact, my brother and father had always not been on good terms, and yet I've never known about it. The whole family, including my mother and my two sisters knew, they knew how my brother hated my father and my father resented my brother. But they never told me, perhaps because they thought that was the only way of letting me have a perfect family, or at least let me think that I have one.

I'm not really sure the content of their fight. But my brother walked out of home on Monday, without even bringing extra clothes. On Tuesday my mother called his handphone, but my brother had cancelled his line. At first thought I thought he probably went to Malaysia or something and forgot to tell us. And then I realise how worried my mother looked and how glum my dad looked. It was perhaps the first time I ever seen them like this, and the whole house was dead quiet on Tuesday night.

On Wednesday morning, at around 2 or 3am, my father had a heart attack. I figured it must be because of my brother, but I kept mum, 'cause all the others in the family kept mum. I went to school like usual, but I was damn worried. My parents reported to the police on Wednesday. At around 5pm that day, I received a call from my mother to ask me to go home and wait for calls before the hospital called her to go recognise a body. Whoever that was, was wearing similar to what my brother was wearing the day he left home. I couldn't stop crying at home, it's freaking scary larh, having to wait at home like that.

Fortunately, it wasn't my brother. That night, after my parents returned from the hospital, I was watching the tv and trying to appear normal. My elder sis was home too. It was the first time I saw my father cry. He said other things which I couldn't make out, but I could tell he was really sad. My mother and sister crowded around him while I sat motionless in front of the tv. I did not know how to react. I've never seen him like this, and before I knew it, I started crying too. I remembered hearing my mother or my sister saying something about asking him to stop because he's scaring me. And then they helped him into the room, while I stoned in the living room, and I was so scared, worried about his health, as well as my brother's.

On Thursday morning, my phone vibrated during the 5 mins break before Maths. My brother called me. I felt like screaming at him larh, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO??!! He told me to tell my mother that he'll be home that night, and before I could ask more, he hanged up on me. I couldn't call back because it was a private number.

I went to sleep before he came home last night. But I think things should be alright now, at least that is what I see and what things appear to be like. My brother's out today when I reached home, and I think he wouldn't be home until I'm asleep. It's always like this. I get to see him once a week if I'm lucky or once every two or three weeks if I'm not.

That's why I'm feeling better today. Because it seems like what's worst is over, I think.

On a happier note, common tests officially commence next week. Right, I know it's not really happy, but one should stay positive always...! =_= I love exams! I score As easily! I love Maths! I love A Maths! I adore Social Studies! Chemistry is my best friend! Geography rocks! Physics is easy! R.K. Narayan is the best person on Earth! I'm not scared of any tests or exams!!

My kindergarten taught me never to lie. I forgot that already, really.

I went for the Chinese compo competition today. Screwed up larh, I think four and three quarters of the five pages I wrote was crap. The remaining one quarter is the blank spaces where a paragraph ends and I write in a new line following for the new para. The title was "Li Wu" as in "Present". The whole thing sounded so =/ but that was the easiest title to write out of the nine already. So be it larh, who am I to compete with all the PRC scholars. A waste of time actually. =/

I'm sleepy... bye!