Friday, August 05, 2005

I wish that all things in this world can be understood without words spoken.
No, wait, I wish that most things in this world can be understood without words spoken.
No, wait, I wish that some things in this world can be understood without words spoken.
Ok, forget it, I wish that no things in this world can be understood without words spoken.
No, wait, what's there to wish for then.
It's like this since the start, isn't it?

...

I'm going crazy internally, again. Probably my past life was Krishna's ancestor or something. -.-" The Krishna from TET who engages himself in frequent interior monologues, because that's what I've always been doing, seriously. Some people told me I'm thinking too much sometimes (for Maths, for example), looking too much into things, ananlysing far too much into what others may not want me to realise and then drawing conclusions which I further conclude I don't wish to know. -.-"

There are just too many things which I wish I can forget or better still, not know about them in the first place. Perhaps I'm better off being senile. Maybe I'm just too free, too much free time available for me to think about too many things. Perhaps blogging makes me think again, and again and again.

...

Sometimes I wonder, will there be a limit as to how much information and memory and knowledge a brain can store. Inifinite? Or not? Or does it depend on how much we want to remember them? Then again, why is it that we always remember all the things that we do not want to remember? Because all the more we want ourselves to not think about them, we think about them even more when we're reminding ourselves to forget? Is that it? But how am I supposed to forget things I don't wish to remember if I don't remember to forget?

...

See what I mean, interior monologue. Thanks Krishna for helping me understand myself better.

At times when I'm in the bus or MRT on the way home, I start thinking about what I did that particular day, about what special things to take note, how they are related to past events, reasons for actions, reasons for feelings, questions and answers, reminders, plans etc etc. I don't know if this is normal, do you all do that too?

And worse, there were times when I debate with myself internally. -.-" Like, I thought about a particular topic, and then I raised a possible solution or something, and then oppose, and then propose, then oppose, then propose etc. And then I'll come to a point where I break off the whole thing with a jolt and then I question myself, why am I thinking about this again? Didn't I remind myself not to bother?

Why?

And then the cycle continues when I start questioning myself as to why was I thinking about things, as to why I'm thinking so frequently, whether I've gone crazy already or not. -.-"

Perhaps I should stop?

*nods*

Okay.



But but...

How am I supposed to forget things I don't wish to remember if I don't remember to forget? If I remember to forget, all the more I'll remember it because I'll keep remembering to forget...?

Satuated point...? No more solids can be dissolved further? Is that it? I'm at my satuated point? What about those insoluble stuff? It'll still stay there, won't it? They'll still be there, and when I'm not satuated anymore they'll start to dissolve again...? And I'm always to stay satuated?

CRAP.

Never mind, get some sleep. I'm still on Earth, that's comforting enough.