Tuesday, October 31, 2006
♥ At least she's truthful

Ah hello. Stopped watching Goong at Episode 20 (total 23 episodes on Youtube), because there are no more episodes with English subtitles. :( Nevermind, my brother saw me watching Goong last night and he said he actually had the VCDs, just that they're with his friend, and I asked him to get it back from his friend. So yay. (:

Anyway, it's another paper down, so FOURTEEN more papers to go. :)

Intended to study in school after Chem prac with Chunying today. But somehow we decided to come over to my house to watch Goong a little then study. Haha. We would have gone on and watched more if not because we ran out of episodes to watch. Lol. So yah, did abit abit of AMaths and watched Yu Le Bai Fen Bai on Channel U. Then Chunying headed home and I feel like blogging so here I am. -_-

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, actually I thought of lots to say, but right now, I just got reminded of something and perhaps I shouldn't do it that blatantly. Tsk. Nothing much, so maybe I should just forget about it.

Going school has been weird for the past two days because there's no flag raising and the school's empty except for the Sec4s coming back for Onana. And also because suddenly everything just feels weirder than before. Maybe it's just me feeling like usual, weird. Ah nevermind.

Graduating from Sec four soon huh. Maybe I'm growing up. Ah shut up Chunying, don't argue. Obviously I'm not 3 years old, stop saying I can't play the Egg-flip because it's for Ages 4+. Haha. Anyway, I was saying maybe I'm growing up. Yah, and when you grow up you have to put up with things that you don't usually put up with just for the sake of it. (Okay, other than Haobo...) Like, when you can't stand someone or something someone did, you just appear okay with it so that he or she won't feel that you're being rude or anything. Just, just, just for the sake of it.

Even when you don't feel like being friends with somebody, even when somebody has done things that you can't stand abit, even when you're bitching about somebody behind their back almost every other moment, you still appear to be friends in front of that person. Yah, that was what I'm talking about.

And sometimes the person may not even know you dislike him. He may go off thinking that they're great friends with you and that you rock the socks out of their lives but actually, actually, everything's so broken up inside. Actually you hate him to the core, but for some reasons, which I'm still considering what, you just don't want to appear to be so.

I don't know what exactly is that called. Back in Primary Four, when something like that happens, even when the bitching is just about saying her hair is ugly, or her last finger is too dark, we'll flare up right away. Because back then, friends aren't supposed to talk bad about you. Friends aren't supposed to speak ill of you behind your back. And friends are supposed to be your best buddies, and best buddies don't act differently when they're not with you.

But right now, no. The people I used to call Two-facers are everywhere. And yet I don't know what to term them now. There are people who told me not to meddle with these stuff because it's how they choose to lead their lives, and just so long as we don't join in, things will subside and things will turn out just fine.

Perhaps as you're reading this now, you're wondering if I'm talking about you. If you aren't sure, ask yourself Why not. And if you can find a reason why you're not a hypocrite by nature, then you're not. If you can't find any reason for that, maybe you are, or maybe you just don't have a brain, or maybe you just aren't thinking.

Uh oh. I guess publishing this entry would mean I'm meddling in these stuff huh. Why don't I feel like caring. Even when the stuff I'm talking about is more than one, two or even three seperate matters. I'm not going to care what you're going to say behind me because trust me, I already know what you're saying. Yes, I don't need you to tell me what you've been saying because I know. I know all so well. Just from the way you react to things. I know already what you're thinking, and what you're going to say to him/her/whoever.

I'm not thinking too much. I know your negative feelings all too well. But if I'm going to spell it out it's going to spoil everything. Even the friendship that's not so friendshipy actually. Guess I'm still childish, stuck at the Primary Four thinking that if you're going to be my friend, you've got to be the best buddy and won't pretend in front of me just. For. The. Sake. Of. It.

I'm sick of people bitching to me about people, then turn around and talk and laugh and joke with the same person they just bitched about 2.70 seconds ago. I feel like walking up to them and remind the person what she's just said. Simply, I still feel that, if you don't like the person, let him or her know. Don't let him or her be an idiot, telling your more things and being him or herself in front of you, only to create more topics for you to bitch about him or her.

In many of these, I still feel neutral regarding the stand to take. Unless you've a great reason why you can't just tell him or her off straight, then that I can understand. There're such instances and I would have done the same thing.

I'll rather you come straight to me and tell me what's your problem with me than to go on and on behind my back, where I can't speak up for myself. Or at least, at the very least, don't go on pretending to be friends with me and let me be the idiot. Show that you're not happy and I'll scram. Really, I've better things to do than to waste my energy thinking what you're thinking.

And there's no such thing as I'm-your-friend-but-I-just-can't-stand-you-this-minute, so-I've-to-bitch-about-you-to-let-off-some-steam. Show that you're not happy alright. Go on like this and you'll end up with no friends. No true friends at least. Because those friends you have talk about you behind you too. It's just that you don't know about it. And too many times you've been the idiot around, and yet you're totally clueless. Think about it.

No need to read between the lines, there're no lines to read. Sometimes I don't know why everything's so obvious right in front of our eyes and we fail to notice it. It's like, right there, and either we choose not to see it, or we're just plain stupid.

If you're thinking, "God, she's talking about me, ah whatever. Not like she has the right to care." Yeah, I'm talking about you. Yes, YOU. The one thinking you don't have to bother what I think because at the most you just have one friend less. I'm telling you now, carry on thinking like this and you'll have no friends in the end.

Be true to others alright, and be true to yourself. That's all I wanted to say.

Jiayou for the rest of the papers. :)

Gone for dinner.