Saturday, May 06, 2006
♥ I for Influence

Dear blog, I still can't get my mind of that.

I guess most people around me could tell. I was rather unhappy yesterday. So much so that getting an A1 for Emaths didn't help in cheering me up. I told gillian, Weixin and Chunying over lunch what's bothering me. But yea, nobody can do anything about it.

I bought two lollipops after lunch. Not much help either. I slept rather early last night, but I woke up at 2.30am and couldn't get back to sleep.

...

What can we do man. It's super saddening to have to hate someone you were once great buddies with, you know. But I know I can't bring myself to joke around with her anymore. She can no longer take jokes. And I wonder, as I'm lamenting about how much she's changed over here now, what she's probably doing, thinking, saying with her gang of friends there.

(I guess most of you can tell who I'm talking about... Do I have to spell it out more obviously?)

For four years, we trained together. We went for tournaments together. We were from a team of 7 Anderson Badminton B Girls. She sat behind me last year. We joked about her being toot. We joked of her being slow. We are thinking of ways to bring her old self back now. Sadly, none found.

Haobo said "J bian le."
I asked "For the better or for the worst?"
He said "For her should be better."
I asked "Are you sure?"
He said "No."

Weixin no longer dared to speak to her even when she's sitting next to her. Haobo no longer dared to speak to her because she seems to be angry with him. I no longer dared to speak to her for fear I might just start strangling her and screaming WAKE UP.

She's no longer the type who smiles and laughs off your jokes. The only times I see her smile or laugh now are when she's with her gang. Her gang. She has her own gang of friends now. Gang of 4? And seeing how much people around me are starting to hate that gang makes me want to die. WHY SHOULD SHE BE AMONG THAT 4?

Today's 4/1's class BBQ day. I'm supposed to be high, over the moon, shrieking in excitement, hopping around in anticipation. I considered doing all that until this one thought brought me all down, both feet solidly on ground, or maybe even lower.

What's a class BBQ when there's a group hated by many others? What's a class BBQ when this group is not going to be present? What's a class BBQ when the hot topic discussed over the fire is most probably going to be them, them, them, them and them again? What's the point of a class BBQ when the class is united except for them? Then again, you call this unity?

I counted seven times yesterday when I really wanted to just go home after school and not go for the dumb games prelimnaries. I can't feel the class spirit anymore. But then again, who can I blame when even I myself am taking the long turn to my seat just to avoid walking past them?

Today is a happy day nonetheless. And I can't possibly spoil it with my bad mood. I invited that many teachers, and many others are coming. (Plus the mystery guests.) I can't possibly back out now. I'll find some way to cheer myself up within the next two hours. I'm meeting gillian, Weixin, Chunying, Huiming and Vanessa at 11am, headed Queensway to order the jerseys first, before meeting up with Shikin, Arthur and Anson to buy the food.




And in times like these when strangely all close friends are not close enough, I found the strangest person to confide into.

Thanks alot Sandy.